In this life, I am me and you are you. The life that we live always remains unchanged and unbothered. Each day passes on with new equations at bay or old connections drifting away. We experience life like standing and altering between different realms. It is always a door closed and another one opened. The reality of life is what we feel only in the roots which are submerged in the depths of a sea. We feel every day newly, yet it has a mundane feel to it sometimes. We see our life choices turning to our future situations in front of our eyes, and yet when it’s a work in progress, everything seems blurry.
Sometimes, in some moments, we become the extraordinary souls working their way up. In some, we are the ones dancing in the flow, and in the rest, we are the loners, the ones who never found their place. There are certain little moments, though, in which you’re just surrounded by you and your God. You know, the early mornings? The ones when you feel like the only one awake and everything else feels unreal. The ones in which you kind of forget all your worries and it’s just you, your God, and the sunrise. Those are the actual moments that we have for ourselves—all else is dust and snow. Those are the times when you realize that the way to know life is to love many things, like looking at the stars and dreaming or capturing the sunset feels in yourself.
We are very delicate and full of differences. Sometimes our differences create a huge gap between us and the people we care about. It isn’t about saving relationships but about saving yourself. We mostly sacrifice our dreams to save something precious to us but later see somebody chasing their dreams and catching happiness in the pursuit of it. That is the time when we realize that maybe we could do it too. Maybe God and us alone together in this world are enough to carry and to move ahead through the loneliness of life, only to witness it turning into something that gives your nights and days a different color. It is the essence of divinity that is found in every single thing that exists. Most days we don’t see it, but on some rare evening, lying on our bed with the shimmering light of sun hitting our spot, brushing through our eyes, we see it. There is a fierce fire in us during that moment, as if we are touched by the divine. The beauty that is always around us seems unreal and so real at the same moment. Our heart pulsing with the sun rays, eyes flickering and peace entering ourselves is what makes that moment memorable. I often catch myself wondering, What if it’s all a dream that we are living? What if the moments in which we feel the touch of divinity and the only ones when we are close to reality? What if when we die and wake up somewhere, we feel like we have been in this world just for a day or part of a day? What if we realize that we were very close to reality at certain moments, and yet so far?
The major part of our lives is infinity, which we have not explored yet. It is boundless and immeasurable. We don’t know how far it can go or how far it will go, only to reap us in the end. After all, we play a secondary role in the uncertainty of this seemingly endless life.
At times my body feels anxious, and so does my heart. There is restlessness in my inner core which I fail to quite catch in that time. Why does it happen? Is it because my heart somewhere knows that this isn’t the place it belongs? Does it realize that this is not real? During those lonely nights, I wonder, Where does the joy that my heart so badly desires come from? If I stay awake till dawn, I say to myself: This is the feeling, I know it. I was here before. And with that, my heart fills with the joy it has been longing for, only to drown in the unreal as this moment passes. Being forgetfully thankful again.