There are these beautiful cyclical moments in life I just can’t get enough of. I crave them. I love when things round back out, when your opportunities for peace are found, when life just seems to smile on you.
I’ve had a weekend full of these moments recently. I reconnected with a person who truly means a lot to me, and I was able to wish them well on big life changes and huge moments of growth. I was able to visit a place that was my home for years and kept me going. I’ve been able to hug so many people and smile about all the stupid shit we used to do and celebrate the fact we’re not the people that we once were.
I was so chaotic for so long, never finding the moments to be at ease, that sometimes I just can’t believe that everything is working out. I have to pinch myself constantly to see if it’s real. Did I dream this? Do I deserve this? What if it all goes away?
I have to believe that it won’t. Because I didn’t get here by accident—nobody does. I worked for this. I put in the emotional effort, I took a look at what I didn’t like about myself and I changed it. I asked the hard questions and actually answered them. And oh my god, was it a long road to get here. It was super difficult and painful, but man was it worth it.
There were many times along the way here where I thought I was done. Where I believed I had reached my equilibrium. But looking back, I know that can’t be true. Because I would still dip down so often into those more chaotic and unhealthy behaviors. I would backslide while desperately grasping to stay where I was. Because I hadn’t yet laid a strong enough foundation. I hadn’t set myself up for success in the right way.
But now, after a long year of time spent alone and moments spent learning, I’m not backsliding anymore. I’m not wracked with guilt about my response to things because I actually take the time to process things. I’m not perfect either, and I’ll always be wanting to grow and change, but now I have the solid footing with which to do so.
I believe these cyclical moments I’ve had so often lately are a direct reflection of that growth. These are not moments that the universe owes you, but more ones you earn. You have to work to get here. You have to consistently put in the effort to be this person. If you do that, if you try to be the best version of yourself as often as you can, you’ll see that energy returned.
Like calls to like, or so I’ve been told. So if you’re operating as an unhealthy person, if you’re not constantly growing and changing in order to be better, you’re going to attract a lot of that. But if you’re working on who you are and growing up and trying to be the person you’d brag to your 13 year old self about, you’re going to attract that as well.
Earn these moments. Put in the work. If you do, you’re going to find yourself sitting with so much peace and contentment. You’ll be so grateful for those harder times because they got you here.
It’ll be worth the effort, I swear.