If your ex-partner has mental and emotional issues, it’s not on you, of course, unless you effectively cause or worsen it. But if you go out of your way to call your ex-partner “crazy”, you definitely need to take a look at yourself.
Calling your ex “crazy” or having a “crazy ex” is a known red flag in the dating world because the term “crazy” says more about the person who uses it than the described.
After all, most people don’t act “crazy” for no reason, especially when they’re usually high-functioning adults with jobs and families. They might act “crazy” because they’re hurt and their sense of dignity and power has been stripped away from them by the person who now calls them “crazy.”
Regardless, labelling someone negatively out of context is never a good thing. After all, what is “crazy” and who decides “crazy” or “normal”?
So, if you’re called “crazy” by an ex, think you might have acted “crazy” with an ex, or now dating someone with a so-called “crazy ex”, here are four possible insights about them:
1. They’re emotionally and culturally stunted.
People call things they don’t understand “crazy.”
When they don’t understand your behaviors, it’s easier to slap the label “crazy” on it. But are you that difficult to understand or are they just incapable of understanding it?
They might actually have very low emotional intelligence or lack life experiences and exposure to people from other backgrounds. These factors limit their ability to respond appropriately to people’s hurt feelings and inherent differences.
2. They’re a misogynist.
Are they a man and they enjoy calling their exes “crazy”? Do they have more than one “crazy ex”?
Do they hate emotional women or emotional traits in people? Do they imply that they want a partner who’s as cool as a cucumber (or like a man) and never gets mad at them while they always have it their way?
A misogynist prefers to call a woman crazy than to try to understand her and take responsibility for what they did to her because they, in fact, don’t see women as multidimensional human beings worthy of respect and good treatment.
3. They love drama.
They call their exes “crazy” but might have conveniently left out the part where they violated their exes’ boundaries, disrespected them, lied to them, withheld their affection as a punishment, or acted hot and cold.
Or instead of addressing problems calmly and maturely, they blocked people and popped back around like nothing happened, brushing everything under the carpet.
They love the toxic attention because they’re deeply insecure and don’t think they’re worthy of mature love.
4. They lack empathy and compassion.
If they alienate someone who is hurt and acts out of character by calling them “crazy” instead of being kind and helping them, they don’t have empathy and compassion.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes while compassion is feeling compelled to help them. It’s the core component of emotional intelligence, and it makes the world a better place.
A lack of empathy and compassion makes relationships extremely difficult, as they’re unable to connect with people who think, feel, and behave differently from them. But it might signal a deeper problem: They don’t want to be in touch with themselves because they’re scared of feeling the pain themselves.
Calling an ex “crazy” might be the end of their problem but the people involved with them will very likely be left dealing with traumas for years to come.
If this is you, I’m sorry it happened.
Have compassion for yourself and own your story.
Forget about the word “crazy” altogether; it was who you were at that point in time, and you know your “why” — don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
You’re not defined by the opinion of one person, especially one who doesn’t respect you as a person and might have far more problems than they led on.
In an ideal world, they’ll start healing themselves, change the way they think and talk about their ex-partners (or women in general) and extend their empathy towards you, but don’t count on that. It’s best that you distance yourself from them and navigate towards people who get you.
Next time, if you see signs of lacking emotional intelligence or, worse, misogyny, cut your losses quickly.