Why Hearing They’re Not Ready For A Relationship Is So Confusing

It’s never fair when someone says I’m not ready for a relationship right now, then strings you along and makes you think that they’re going to change their mind sometime soon. It wouldn’t hurt as much if they made it clear that nothing was ever going to happen between you, but they leave the possibility open. They leave you thinking that there’s a chance. And that false hope is what crushes you.

People who use this phrase feel like they aren’t doing anything wrong when they string you along because they already told you that they weren’t interested in dating you. They feel like you can’t blame them because they gave you fair warning. But it’s hard to take them seriously when their actions and their words are mismatched, when they are purposely leaving things open-ended by saying they aren’t ready now which implies that they will be ready at some point, which implies that the problem isn’t you at all.

It would be so much easier if they were honest from the start, if they told you that there was no chance you would become a couple. But they want you to stay interested. They don’t want you to leave. They don’t want you to take your attention elsewhere. They don’t want you to stop pining over them. They simply want to stop feeling guilty about leading you on.

There might be some people who use the phrase harmlessly, who want to make you feel like it’s not your fault that they aren’t going to date you – but the truth would sting less. After all, the waiting is the worst part of almost relationships. If they told you that they weren’t interested on day one, then you would be able to get over them. You would be able to move on with someone new or focus on yourself for a change. Instead, you’re stuck hanging onto their every word, trying to figure out whether their feelings have changed since the last time they told you they weren’t ready to date.  

I’m not ready for a relationship right now is such a confusing phrase because it makes you feel like you could do something to change their mind. Like if you’re there for them enough, if you treat them well enough, then they’ll start becoming more comfortable with the idea of a relationship. This phrase makes you think that you have some sort of power to change their mind – when really, they have no intention of getting into a relationship with you. Really, they already decided that you weren’t the one that they wanted a long time ago.

I’m not ready for a relationship right now is confusing because it doesn’t feel like you’re getting turned down. It feels like you’re being asked to wait patiently – and you’re willing to wait because you care about this person so much. Because you wouldn’t want to pressure them to move too fast. Because you’re happy to do whatever it takes to make them comfortable.