Sometimes, you’ll part ways with your forever person only to reunite in the future when you’re both ready to take the next step together. Other times, breaking up and getting back together with an ex is a horrible idea – especially when this has happened more than once. Here are a few reasons why on-again off-again relationships can be so dangerous:
You assume this person is always going to be there. You feel like you have them to fall back on when other relationships fail, when you’re feeling lonely, when you’re sick of being single. Instead of enjoying the single life, you run back to them whenever you need someone there to comfort you. Instead of spending some well-needed time on your own to discover what you really want, you always end up getting back together with them because they’re always there. While that might feel comforting at first, having them as a backup option can actually prevent you from finding your better option.
You’re never going to get over them. Not completely. After all, your breakups never feel final. Even when you call it quits, you know that there’s a chance you’re going to get back together again. You never get the closure you need to move on because you feel like it’s only a matter of time until you get back together anyway. Since you never properly grieve the end of the relationship, it never feels like it is the end of the relationship. This makes it all too easy for the two of you to get back together again, even if it’s not for the best. Even worse, it makes it easy for you two to break up again because your breakups never feel permanent. They never feel like that big of a deal.
Neither of you feel pressured to change. Even though a certain conflict might have broke you up, you know you’re going to end up together again soon. So why would you change your behavior? The fight (and the breakup) is only going to last a little while, so all you have to do is wait it out. You don’t have to do better in the future. You can keep making mistakes and you’ll keep forgiving each other. There’s no incentive to change since both of you are accepting less than you deserve.
You can end up stuck in a toxic cycle. You don’t want history to repeat itself. You don’t want to give out too many chance s to the wrong person because it waste time that could be spend finding the right person – or concentrating on the other areas of your world that matter the most to you. On and off relationships can be dangerous because you’re making the same choices and expecting different results. You’re chasing after the same person, realizing you make a poor fit, then getting back together anyway. You need to remember why this person was wrong for you, why you decided to break up in the first place. If nothing has changed between the two of you, then what makes you think this time is going to be any different? Yes, you might have a lot of history together, but history isn’t what makes a relationship work. Shared dreams and effort and respect is.