Women are born to lose.
Now, before you try to cancel me, let me explain. Before a girl can even speak, everyone around her has their expectations for her. They expect her to be an adorable Barbie-playing, pink-loving, caring girl. They expect her to grow up and choose a respectable career.
Once she’s reached a certain age, it’s now time for her to find a suitable husband. And of course, once they’ve been married for a bit, people start asking when they’re going to start a family. But she’s also got to be working while taking care of her family and her home because a modern-day woman is supposed to do it all. And she’s supposed to do it perfectly.
If she works too hard, she’s neglecting her children. If she chooses to stay at home with the kids, she’s lazy or less valued. And god forbid she decides she doesn’t want to get married and have children. She can’t be too feminine, but she can’t be too masculine. She needs to be confident but can’t speak up too often. It’s exhausting.
This is what I mean when I say all women are doomed from the start. Society has made it almost impossible to do anything we like without it being the wrong answer. No matter what, we lose. So, if at the end of the day we’re going to lose, why not lose doing something we love?
I grew up believing I was going to get married by 23 and have three children and a perfect suburban life. As I got older, I discovered more about my sexuality and my desires. And now, as a 23-year-old woman, I can confidently say that all I want is to have a career I love, to marry whoever I love, and to travel the world. And I don’t want children. But everyone around me, the second they hear me say I don’t want children, tells me that I’m still young and that I’ll change my mind. That all women want children. That women were created to have children.
“What’s a man’s reason to marry you if you’re not gonna carry his children?” Well if a man wants to marry me for breeding purposes only, then I guess I dodged a bullet there.
It bothers me to hear these things, but at the same time, I grew up so confused and so ashamed of who I wanted to be, and I’ve finally accepted myself completely. And regardless of what anyone thinks of me, as long as I’m happy and not allowing the pressure of these expectations to consume me, then that’s all that matters. I just wish I knew that at an earlier age, and I wish we lived in a world where we normalized women choosing their own path without judgment and strict expectations.
So go out and figure out what you want. Really consider all the factors. Everyone stresses the importance of considering your options and doing your research when choosing a career. Well, we need to start putting in that much effort when we consider the other important aspects of our lives. Put aside all of your family and friends’ expectations. Strip it all down and figure out what will make you happy. Will you regret anything when you’re old and looking back at your life?
Your life choices are not wrong. They’re just not what everyone expects. That takes some getting used to. But that’s not your problem.
And remember, making others proud of you means nothing if you aren’t proud of yourself first.