Why You Need To Learn How To Trust Again
We all have justifiable trust issues due to past heartbreaks, failures, disappointments and betrayals. These issues scarred us in a way that made us swear not to trust anyone again. It made us feel like we didn’t even want to get close to anyone again. It made us feel like we were better off alone, keeping people at arm’s length so we wouldn’t get hurt.
The truth is trusting someone will never guarantee that this person will never hurt you. Every time you trust someone, there’s a possibility that this person may betray your trust knowingly or unknowingly. People and feelings change along the way and those who once loved you may decide that they no longer do for reasons outside of your control. So the only way to love and have meaningful relationships is to learn that there are no guarantees but you’re willing to go all in. Nothing can reassure you that you won’t feel this way again, and that’s why you have to make a choice to jump back in and let go of that fear if you want to build more intimate, fulfilling relationships.
You have to let your guard down and accept that you will never control how someone else treats you or control their feelings towards you, but you can always control your response. The way you react when you feel rejected. The way you carry yourself back up when someone lets you down. The way you forgive yourself for not seeing the signs instead of playing victim and beating yourself up over it every time.
It is simple. If you try to build trust with someone else, you have to actually trust them, not just pretend like you do. You have to be open about your feelings. You have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. You have to stop looking for signs of mistrust or stop being suspicious all the time. You have to stop believing that the other person is deceiving you or lying to you, because that means you’re lying to yourself too. You are not going into this relationship with love, you’re going into it with fear and suspicion and that’s doomed to fail sooner or later.
It isn’t easy, and it won’t happen overnight. You’ll have to work on it because on the other side of that lies loneliness and emptiness. On the other side of that lies a life without meaningful and loving relationships, a life without vibrancy and excitement.
Lack of trust, however, makes your life a living hell. It turns you into a detective, always looking for the next felon. It makes you constantly question yourself and brings all your insecurities back to life. It makes you feel hopeless and restless. It makes you sabotage your own relationships because you did not feel like the other person was being honest even though you don’t have any proof.
The truth is, if you’re constantly trying to protect yourself, all you’re doing is putting up a wall between yourself and others and creating more gaps and distance, which in turn makes your life lonely, dull, and unfulfilling. If you focus on trusting little by little, and if you focus on what could go right instead of what could go wrong and that maybe people do mean what they say, you might end up having the best relationship of your life.
But it all starts with unlearning how to mistrust people and relearning how to slowly trust again. Mainly trust yourself. Trust that you will be able to handle whatever outcome this relationship will lead to. It all starts with knowing that even if you were wrong about so many people before, there is always going to be someone deserving of your trust and efforts and that a relationship based on trust is not impossible.
It all starts with knowing that you may never truly know if this person will end up deceiving you or not, but you’re prepared to go on that ride anyway, fearless, brave, hands up in the air, enjoying every moment of it because it may end up in heartbreak but it may also end up being the best and happiest relationship of your life.