When we think about what makes a love true, we often measure the validity of that love based on whether or not it has the potential to be forever. And if a relationship ends, we determine that those former lovers were simply the wrong people for one another.
Divorces are called failed marriages. Breakups are referred to as lost love. And even if that marriage lasted for over 20 years, and even if that relationship was a 10-year affair, we still invalidate their worth simply based on the fact that those love stories came to a close.
Suddenly, it no longer matters that these exes helped each other through some of the toughest years of their lives. Suddenly, it’s forgotten how much they once made each other happy. Suddenly, late, slap-happy nights with their newborn are erased. Suddenly, those vows they exchanged were never sincere. And we apply this to our own relationships, too. All because of this stubborn belief that the right people stay forever and never leave, no matter what.
Unfortunately, that just isn’t how life works. Because shit happens. Things change. People change and grow and sometimes this means growing away from one another.
The difficult truth is that good things fall apart sometimes. And when this happens, instead of picking up those misshapen pieces of a love that once was and trying to force it back together, or trying to make it look like something it wasn’t, we can take the parts that we need to keep. The lessons. The memories. The hope.
Because it’s far more loving to let people go when it’s time to do so. It’s far more romantic to accept people as who they are instead of trying to change them and mold them into the ideas we have for them.
Now, this isn’t to say that breakups are a clean break. They most definitely aren’t. Endings will always be painful and messy. It isn’t supposed to be easy to let someone go.
But one day, I hope you can find comfort in the fact that this person who broke your heart was the right person once, and you were the right person at one time for them, too. Because the right people meant for us always arrive on time. And the right people meant for us leave right on time, too.
Just because a fire turns to ashes doesn’t mean it didn’t once burn so bright and beautiful and alive.
In the end, there are no wrong people to love. There are people we love and love and love until it’s time to go.