When you have a story that fucks with your soul, you must wrangle that story from the hands of shame and set it free. When you set upon this task, this adventure, this transformation, shame will do everything he can to shut you up. He will tell you that you are not worth it. He will taunt you with past failures. He will call you a loser. He will use any tactic that goes for your jugular.
Your job is to remember that shame is a liar. Your job is to keep going despite the hurtful thoughts being hurled at your heart. Your job is to walk through the door of shame. Not around it. Not over it. Not under it. Through it. That means you will get real about the things you have swept under the rug. You will get real about the feelings, desires, wants and not wants that are clawing at your skin while you pretend you can’t feel them. When you go from numbing to feeling, it will hurt. But it will be a different kinda hurt. Not the shame heat kinda hurt. Nope. There might be sorrow, confusion, rage. You will feel it. Release. Move. And then.
You will bring in a different character to add to the play. Not that shame guy. He’s well written. He’s developed. He’s killer.
You will bring in a character that stares shame in the face. This character doesn’t contract with the lies, she tells another truth. This character doesn’t run from the story, she writes it. This character doesn’t drown in unworthy lakes, she swims to shore.
This character creates another way.
By listening to her desires. The ones that are really, truly hers. The ones that swirl in the belly but have been frozen by shame.
The way to thaw the freeze is to feed.
She must feed her desires by doing. Not fantasizing, but MAKING. CREATING. Doing the thing she’s afraid of but that calls to her soul. Despite that shame character telling his lies. Screaming them. He gets louder when she’s on her true path. But she walks through the door. Not over, under, or around it.
She fucking walks through the door.
This is how a new story gets written. Sometimes it is a bold decision. Sometimes it is a slow but very intentional step. Sometimes it is both tender and fierce.
The way is personal.
The how can be a stopping point.
The trick is to keep following the deep down desire. Through the fumbles and stalls, the trips and falls, the sticky fears. Follow the desire. Do the thing. One step. Another step. Shaky step. Courageous step. Do the thing. The trick is to walk through that door. Add more characters to the play. Ones that see the real you. Ones that support you. Ones that dream big.
Keep moving. Closer. Closer to the wild life that is yours. Truly yours.
One step. And another.
Walk through that door.