25 Women Talk About What Makes Them Scared of Falling In Love Again
1. No Control and Being Vulnerable
The vulnerability.
Them leaving.
Them dying.
Grief is love in action. I’ve learned to embrace the fact that I cannot control the outcome of a relationship or how long someone will live. I recognize that any pain I feel at any loss, is simply a refection of how much I loved them, and I shouldn’t be afraid to feel it. It makes me feel less stressed about my boyfriend cheating, or leaving me, or dying in a plane crash. I’m an anxious person, and thankfully have managed to convince myself that being vulnerable with someone and giving a relationship my best effort is always more valuable than keeping my heart safely and comfortably locked away.
Bulliesvegetables
2. Previous Experiences
My experiences before I met my partner.
One exes friend sexually assaulted me and and that ex didn’t believe me. Which lead to a 4 year dating hiatus.
The next person I dated after that sucked ass. He was mean, hated who I was as a person. But I really liked him… anyways, that didn’t work.
The next one was a serial cheater who dated someone behind my back online. He’s with her now. And apparently they are happy. But apparently while he was virtually dating another woman, he was telling one of his best friends – who i was developing a budding relationship with at the time – how much he loved her and wanted to be with her. Get a good job so he can help take care of her kids… like, it was a whole promised future for her. She said no cause he was with me and that was wrong. He told her I was “crazy” and “made threats that made him nervous I would kill myself if he left me” and so he was scared to break up with me. All of which is not true by the way.
And then the one before my current partner was a drunkard who became abusive when he became blackout drunk. So batshit crazy that he literally stalked me for months after we broke up. It was so messed up.
OoohItsAMystery
3. Unnoticed Red Flags
I had to open an old account to retrieve some really old data, and saw the most recent guy I cried over’s latest posts. BULLET DODGED.
The probability of having your hormones blind you to the reality of the other person. Red flags are hard to see (and ignore) at honeymoon stage.
lavenderpug
4. Broken Heart
Getting my heart broken again. There’s only so many times I can recover from that.
DoubleDuke101
5. It’s Gary’s Fault
Gary. I’m never dating again. Fuck that guy.
GrandmasHere
6. Negativity Sneaking In
Being hated or disliked for everything they loved about you in the beginning. Seeing your uniqueness and everything that made you special become something negative in their eyes is a kind of pain I never wanted to experience again. Thankfully I moved on from it, but damn.
-QuarterQueen-
7. Scars Are Forever
Most relationships have hurt me in some way. Exes have messaged me years later to say sorry. But the scars are there.
Throwaway1heheh
8. Childhood Trauma
Seeing the relationships around me.
VivaLaSea
In my entire life, from childhood to adulthood, I’ve never seen a relationship where the woman doesn’t have to consistently sacrifice her happiness and/or her mental/emotional/physical well-being at the expense of her “man”.
It really just doesn’t seem worth it to me in the long run.
9. Not Feeling Enough
Never feeling good enough.
it’s something I only truly realized recently. I knew I was always super nervous and self-conscious, but not that this wasn’t the whole extent of it. I have ruined a LOT of things that could’ve been great because I just didn’t believe they would want more than just sex, or that they’d just realize they were too good for me soon anyway.
I tend to self-sabotage and run away rather than actually trying to trust that person. as soon as it gets difficult or too close, I ruin it. just so I can tell myself it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
wastingATP
10. Blinding Hormones
The hormones which make you blind.
frolleinmarybe
11. Self Sabotage
My first real breakup lol. I was sad for like 6 months even though I wasn’t even in love with the guy. I couldn’t imagine loving someone sooo much after that and then breaking up too. Once I saw myself falling in love with my SO, I was trying to sabotage us at every chance. I have probably initiated like 10 breakups over the course of the almost 3 years now & I’m not proud of it but I’m glad he caught on and stuck to his guns and really learned that I don’t mean it, it’s just the anxiety and I’m trying more and more to not do that ever again.
YVHThoughts
12. Falling For The Wrong Person
I’m not currently in love now but if I were then my fear is getting hurt by falling in love again with someone who is just so wrong for me. I’d rather stay single to the end of my days then waste my anymore of my heart in a bad relationship.
carolinabluebird
13. Unpredictability
I spend Thursday night over at his place, just like all the weeks before. It was beautiful. Saturday rolls around and the shift is absolutely there. Monday he broke things off.
I think this is what hurt me the most. I appreciate that he didn’t waste my time or anything, but literally just hours before Saturday we whispered sweet stuff into each other’s ears and now this. It was awful.
PeakRepresentative14
14. Abandonment Issues
I am attracted to people that share qualities with the mother who abandoned me.
twostingbeering
15. Anxiety of Rejection
The anxiety of wondering whether my feelings would be reciprocated.
The disappointment and pain of no reciprocation.
Rejection.
Being left/dumped.
Ethereal-Empress
16. Previous Bad Luck
One ex was a paranoid, depressed guy. One ex lied to me about drugs. One ex tried to push me into sex when I wasn’t ready. Haven’t exactly had the best of luck when it comes to finding the right guy.
Queenielauren
17. Attachment Style
Having been raised in the staunch fearful-avoidant attachment style, I wasn’t good at any relationship, at all. Every one of them dismal, with me as the denominator. I had tons of doubts when I first started seeing my now partner. Luckily he was patient! And between therapy and his patience, I’m working on developing secure attachment skills. It’s so much work but the payout makes me realize that I’m simply the luckiest person out there.
beanichole
18. Parents Who Fought
My parents – growing up , I have always seen my parents fight. It ends with my father storming off and my mother crying. They claim it’s love. I think it died years ago…
girl1284
19. My Ex
The thing that caused me to become scared of falling in love is my ex.
MelMellue
20. Relationships Are Hard
Inconvenience, relationships are hard and complicated.
Only stable relationship I’ve been by was my grandparents and even I seen some issues there.
Mom and dad were never together when I was a kid. They split custody but my mom hates my dad with a passion. , mom remarried, had my brother then her husband left. When they were married they screamed and yelled at each other (got physical) hence the divorce. Haven’t seen the dude in 5 years, crushes my poor brothers heart whenever dad’s are talked about and it hurts mine too.
Relationships around me have never been good ones. Only relatively stable ones I’ve ever seen are my grandparents.
Led me into not liking relationships but preferring to “date” without labels. I also don’t like labeling my sexuality. I like the closeness of relationships but I like sexual tension in moments rather than sex. I used to constantly mistake friendship for feelings. So that led me to just decide I didn’t have a crush on anyone, I just like them as friends.
Jade_Is_Tired
21. Single Motherhood
Being a single mom again lmfao
I only have one kid though but I learned my lesson….
JOEYMAMI2015
22. Mental Health
Not being reciprocated, him getting tired of me, my family laughing at me, relationship problems due to my mental health.
Isisworld
23. Being Teased
Hearing my family tease my sister when we were little about her first boyfriend. Was probably 7 at the time and that memory stayed with me for 9 years until i got my first boyfriend. (my sister hasn’t had a boyfriend since then either and she’s now 20, safe to say i think it stuck with her worse than it did with me, understandably.)
Started talking to him in April of last year. After a lot of convincing on his part i met him in person in May, got with him June 1st 2021. he didn’t meet my mum and sister until probably September-October. Still hasn’t officially met my dad and we’ve been together 9-10 months now, they’ve seen each other when he (boyfriend) was waiting in his car to pick me up and and they did the nod to each other. Grandparents on either side don’t know he exist, nor my aunt or uncle.
Lesson to parents, shit stays with your kids for longer than you realize so be careful what u say, joke or not. you were kids too once, put urself back in their shoes.
edit- when I look back on it now I realize I had really bad philophobia because of the lengths I’d go with other people before him, such as only doing long distance because I knew I’d never meet them but that ended in me getting cheated on. i still have the phobia however it’s definitely not as strong or prominent as was once before.
BeckyJayne0
24. The Possibility of Falling Out of Love
The chance that they could fall out of love. Eventually they don’t find my personality as unique and intriguing as they once did. They stop putting forth effort. They stop all the cute little things they used to do. They stop being in love with me.
imasloth5799
25. Abuse
Lots of men engage in emotional, psychological, physical, or sexual abuse. A scary number. They rely on women’s desire to be wanted, manipulate them into intimacy, create trauma bonds, and destroy them. While I know I can (and have) survived toxic men and will again if I have to, I mostly don’t want to deal with the nightmarish process of extricating yourself from an abusive man. I’m fine with falling in love and being vulnerable. The key to blackmail is the victim actually has to feel shame and embarrassment. I don’t. They’ve tried and just looked like morons when they realized I am not ashamed of my life or choices. So intimacy and love don’t scare me, but the probability of being trapped by a predator does.
ThePatriarchyIsTrash