Mikhail Nilov

Your Relationship Will Never Evolve If It Doesn’t Include These 3 Things

It is a part of life to have relationships. Like life itself, relationships evolve and go through different stages. After we were in our mother’s womb, we went through the infant and toddler stage, childhood, young adulthood, and finally the age of full strength and old age. Each of these stages brought its own challenges. The same is true for intimate relationships. The question is, how do we navigate them in order to achieve the longevity and happiness we desire? The answer is simple: As the relationship moves through its various stages, we must do the same individually and as a couple. What does this look like? I will offer a few tips that will assist us in this area.

 1. Knowledge

 2. Intimate Communication

 3. Surprises

The following three things are related to the evolutionary nature of relationships, but let’s be clear about how they relate. Knowing what to do dictates action. For instance, knowing someone is the first step to loving them. It is important to never abandon learning during the different stages of a relationship. You should also consider whether you have enough in common to build a happy life together. If you try to change each other into someone you are not, you’ll have regret and resentment years down the road. Why does knowledge have to be such a staple in the union? Because the more we learn, the more we grow as people. Growth means you are not staying stagnant. Granted, there are certain personality traits and habits that will always be there, but you will never become hum-drum.

This will allow both of you to remain fascinated with one another. Fascination has to continue in a relationship, and this can only be accomplished with good knowledge and acting upon it. In addition, learning new things keeps us passionate. When we read that new book, when we watch that motivational video, when we go to that information-packed conference, we become so excited about the new information we obtained. New knowledge does not stay in our hearts or minds. It is exciting to share it; people can hear the excitement in our voices, they can feel the energy in our bodies, and when love exists between two people, they become excited because you are. Increased knowledge also has the effect of making your partner see various layers of you, which will increase their love for you. Learning more in life has so many benefits; therefore, of course, it can have a positive effect on your intimate relationship.

Secondly, intimate communication. What I mean by this is communication between you and your partner about what is in your hearts. Not about jobs, bills, kids, etc., but about the state of your relationship and what you two want and desire from each other going forward. I realize that many people are not comfortable claiming that a relationship is like a business. However, in order for it to be healthy and function properly, it would help to add some business principles. One that I suggest to my clients regarding intimate communication is to have a 90-day check-in. Meaning, four times a year you two sit down and talk about things that are working in the relationship, things that aren’t working, what should be added, what should be subtracted, and so on. These things should be laid out with the sole purpose of correcting them in order to make the union better.

Lastly, surprises. This is a no-brainer. However, some couples, after they have been together for a while, forget about the importance of surprising their partner. It doesn’t have to be something big. Leave a love note around the house where you know they will find it, write a love letter from time to time, buy a gift when there’s no special occasion and any other activity that he or she is not looking for at the time. As the relationship goes through the various stages of evolution, these actions should never be abandoned. They will keep the union feeling fresh and exciting, and this is what a relationship should be about.