10 Things Single Women Won’t Say (Because Of How They’ll Be Judged)
1. We don’t care about your opinion…until we do. We’re not ruling our lives based on what some outsiders think. Call us single cat ladies if you want–it isn’t the insult that you think it is. We float through life thinking about all sorts of things other than the fact that we’re single. There’s so much more to us than your opinions can touch. And yet…sometimes we believe you.
2. We can love and hate being single at the same time. Sometimes we feel like we’re happy being single–and it isn’t a lie. We love that we get the whole bed. That we don’t have to consult someone else on decisions big or small. That we don’t have to argue about who does what chore. And yet, when we see a cute old couple holding hands, there’s that twinge of loneliness. It doesn’t negate all the good we see in our singlehood. Instead it sits in the background and tinges everything in barely perceptible shades of blue.
3. The only thing your set-ups do is make us feel bad about ourselves. You come in and say, “Oh, I have the best date for you. You guys are going to be the perfect match.” And then we get to the date and are met by a creepy weirdo who collects toe nail clippings and will only talk about the high school football game where he did a back flip. And we wonder how you see us that you think this person is a perfect match for us. Our feelings get hurt every time.
4. But we hope you set us up anyway. There’s always that hope, right? The hope that this time will be different. That your friend who works for the fire department will set you up with a hunky firefighter or your friend will set you up with her sweet coworker who loves dogs and watching Great British Baking Show. Because we often have that in spades: Hope.
5. Your advice is trash and we wish you’d stop giving it. “Just stop looking and love will find you.” “Lower your standards. You’re being too picky!” “Change everything about you and you’ll find love.” Sure, most of you mean well. You want to help. But did we ask? I repeat: Did we ask? The odds are very good that we were just sitting there quietly minding our business and you decided to give your two cents. No thanks, friend. Your advice is terrible.
6. We’re sick of all the baby showers and bridal showers. Don’t get us wrong. We’re happy for you. Genuinely. But giving you gifts for these events are expensive and there are never any events where we get this kind of thing in return. Being the single friend means celebrating all your life events while quietly looking around our apartments wishing we had a Kitchenaid stand mixer, too.
7. We’re offended every time you assume we’re sad we’re single. Don’t look at us like we’re wounded deer. Don’t coo at us thinking we need to be soothed, placated, distracted from our miserable existences. It’s not helpful. Instead, it just comes off as condescending. And if we don’t say we’re unhappy right in that moment, it’s rude to think that we are. So many single people are happy–don’t transfer your hang-ups onto us.
8. We’re not as envious of you as you think. The high and mighty vibes are strong with some of the coupled friends. You say you feel bad for us, but should we really be jealous of your fights over who does the dishes? Should we wish we were you when you complain about your partner’s mother undermining all your decisions? Every time you complain about your relationship, it’s a mark in the “this is why I’m happy being single” column.
9. We have ideal meet-cute scenarios we play out in our heads. Even when we’re happy we’re single, we still sometimes imagine meeting the love of our life. We create the perfect meet-cute–bumping into each other at the supermarket, moving next door to each other, picking up the same book at the bookstore. Some of us even have a name we use for our imaginary partners. They’re “Ben,” or “Connor,” or “Giuseppe.” Our imaginations are vivid and full of butterflies. And it means if we don’t get the dream, we’d rather be alone.
10. We sometimes worry that there’s something wrong with us. Even if we’re happy. Even if we’re distracted by our careers or our friends or our hobbies. There’s still that voice in the back of our heads telling us there must be something wrong if we’re the only single friend. The only one who hasn’t found love. The only one without a default person to spend time with. The thought is dark, pervasive, and on the edges of everything. It’s the inner sabateur, and it can hurt more than anything you could say. We know how to hurt ourselves better than anyone.