13 Huge Dealbreakers For People With Gentle Hearts

“Biggest red flag and complete deal breaker is someone that doesn’t believe in therapy or puts others down for dealing with their mental health in positive and constructive ways.” — AlExcelsiorGore

“Bad emotional control. Like if you had a bad day, I’m sorry but that’s not my fault and you shouldn’t be taking it out on me by snapping at me or getting rude, you’re allowed to vent but you need to direct that somewhere else.” — ThanosWifeAkima-4848

“Indecisiveness. If someone is confused about their feelings for me or doesn’t know if they want to enter a relationship, then I don’t really want to wait around for them to decide. Every bad relationship I’ve had involves that type of confusion while every good relationship, no matter what form it takes, has started with us being clear on what that relationship is and what we’re feeling.” — Spledidlife

“I like to feel wanted. So if I’m planning all the dates, initiating all the texts and calls, initiating sex every time, then it won’t work out. I’m going to feel like you’re not into me and I’d rather not waste my time or yours.” — dirtyEEE

“I will not be yelled at, period. We can have a disagreement without you trying to shout me into submission. I spent too long in a relationship like that and I will not to do it again. You get one warning, if you keep yelling at me after that, I’m leaving.” — Queasy-Cherry-11

“Incompatible hobbies. We don’t need to have the same hobbies but, as an example, if they’re the type of active person who acts as if they may die if they breathe indoor air, then we are not compatible.” — sachiko468

“Shaming. I hear a lot of my coworkers say that they can’t do certain things like watch anime, smoke weed, or play games around their partners. I’m not saying their partners complain they do it too much, I’m say if their partners catch them doing any of those things even once, they threaten to leave.” — Dont_Flush_Me

“Bad driving. if you’re texting, driving like a maniac, or having a road rage hissy fit while I’m in the car, count me OUT son.” — botticellibabyy

“Using mental health as an excuse for poor behavior. No, your depression didn’t ‘make’ you ghost me for days on end while you played video games with your ex. Nor did it make you be verbally abusive towards me. Please miss me with that BS.” — 0mg_what

“Consistent lateness. Everybody is late once in a while because life, but when you have those people who are constantly late for everything, and they leave you waiting for them over and over and over again? I just find it so incredibly disrespectful and it’s a huge deal breaker.” — Joygernaut

“Poking fun at my taste in music or my interests. Even if it’s in a joking way. I’ve never done that to any of my partners, but every abusive partner I have had engaged in that behavior before things got bad. Never again.” — Ineffable_Dingus

“I can’t handle intellectually lazy people. If I see a new and novel experience to try and they’re like ‘ehh’ then it’s not going to work. I need someone who, if I point out something novel, they’re like, ‘Yeah, alright, let’s go.’” — GeebusNZ

“Low self-esteem. I used to be very forgiving about that because my self-esteem hasn’t always been in a good place, and I know first-hand how devastating it is to have someone you like consider you undateable because of it, essentially validating every negative thought you’ve had about yourself, but in retrospect they were right about me as I would’ve made a poor partner at the time. Every person I’ve dated with low self-esteem displayed both of the following: A) They were very selfish, at least emotionally. They could be very kind and giving in other ways but the relationship had to be about attending to their needs, and it was always revealed over time that their attraction to me was in part because I’m a secure person and that comes off to them as needless. But upon figuring out that I, like anyone else, also have needs… B) They eventually sabotaged the relationship. Their fear of disappointing me and being abandoned because they knew if it came down to it they wouldn’t show up for me in any meaningful way always led to them cutting things off right after things got ‘too’ intimate, right when they had to accept that I am a whole person and not just an emotional crutch for them. I still have no problem picking my partner up and supporting them whenever they are down, but if their self-esteem is so bad that they feel burdened by the idea of me being a person, well naturally that’s just doomed to fail.” — Starfish_Hero