14 Women Discuss Basic Things Men Should Start Doing On First Dates

“Number one for me: know how to roll with the punches. If one little thing throws their mood off, I’m turned off. Getting upset is fine, but being able to keep the night going even when stuff doesn’t work out perfectly is the best trait for a partner to have.” — FakingGumption

“Actually planning out a date, not just repeating, ‘I dunno, whatever you wanna do is cool.’ Having a generally positive outlook/disposition, being kind to everyone we encounter, being funny but still polite, asking interesting and thought-provoking questions, doing gentlemanly things like opening the car door. If there is a clear connection/attraction: being confident about going in for a kiss at the end of the night, but without necessarily the expectation that it will lead to sex right away. Saying, ‘Text me to let me know that you got home safe.’” — Obeezy_12

“Ask questions and be genuinely interested in my answers. Don’t just ask a question then wait for your own turn to answer. Genuinely be curious about my work and my life, and ask follow up questions that show you’re really trying to understand. This shows that you respect me for my experiences and knowledge, not just for what I could be for you. And be honest about what you love. Don’t try to be cool. Your passion about something silly or ‘nerdy’ IS cool. Seeing someone gush about something they’re interested in is really attractive.” — dogheavenjanet

“Personally? I’m a sucker for a good joke. A funny guy goes a long way (but more dry humor than being obnoxious). If you’re nice to me and the server, but also just generally positive. I know everyone has a dark side, but the first date is about putting your best foot forward, and if I like the best, I’ll deal with the worst as it comes. So general positivity is a big one I guess.” — Sarahthegalaxyghoul

“Show up on time. Be well groomed but please god no cologne bath. And no surprises. Don’t ask to go somewhere unplanned—it freaks us out and makes us think we may get murdered and put in a dumpster. Say what you’re thinking! If you had a nice time or want to kiss us, say it!” — handleurscandal

“Respect my autonomy. The amount of men who try to push my boundaries within minutes of meeting me is very disturbing to me. On my first date with my husband he asked if I’d like a drink and I said ‘nah, it’s Tuesday and I’m a lightweight’ and later on he asked if I wanted to grab coffee after dinner and I said ‘I had a great night, but I need to get going’. He didn’t push me for a reason, he didn’t buy me a drink anyway, he didn’t get hurt feelings and lash out. As a small women who is constantly picked up by guys (if you pick up women because they’re small and you think it’s funny then know that you suck because it’s a terrible feeling), asked the same questions 20x in a row (‘where do you live I’ll take you home!’ a guy once asked when I was out with a friend with no need for a ride home), touched or kissed, or had things bought for me that I definitely did not want it made me feel SO SAFE to meet someone who had a clear understanding of boundaries. My husband was also super polite to staff, a great and appropriate conversationalist, and exactly the right amount of dressed up, but most men I know can do that and COMPLETELY fail at boundaries.” — [deleted]

“Pay attention, no phones, no distractions. My current partner noticed the waiter bought me the wrong drink order, not bad enough for me to worry about. He calmly and kindly corrected and arranged for a replacement, no fuss, no rudeness, just made sure I got what I wanted… Very sexy.” — Jayjayjune

“If you are on a date, then do what you are supposed to do. Be interested, show who you are, and be in the moment. Don’t be preoccupied with your phone, don’t get hammered, and don’t assume sex. If you are on a date, you are giving the impression you are interested. It isn’t a hookup.” — Pritapia01

“It’s great when he doesn’t make me feel stupid when I don’t know something and he does.” — [deleted]

“Listen. Like really listen. Ask questions and listen to the answers.” — internal_enthalpy

“A guy that smiles, makes me laugh, seems interested in how I’m doing, flirts but isn’t overly love-bombing or fake-charming, is nice to the waitstaff. I actually like if a little nervousness shows, as long as they’re able to reciprocate in the conversation.” — LadyGuillotine

“Make eye contact during conversation.” — bread_cats_dice

“Be genuinely interested in what I have to say. The key is ‘genuine’. Like if I mention a topic I like, I don’t want you to spend ten mins telling me how much you know about that thing. I want to have a proper conversation.” — [deleted]

“Actually listening to what I have to say. My current boyfriend and I had a 12 hour first date because neither of us could stop talking. We just clicked and allowed each other to respond and actually listened. Also, a deadly sense of humor gets me every time. He told me a risky one liner about thirty minutes into knowing me and it paid off big time. Still haven’t forgotten the grin that came along with it once I started to laugh.” — dardardarrr