25 People Talk About What They Think Are Little Known Relationship Green Flags

1. Emotional Maturity

Willingness to forgive you when you make a mistake/speak in anger/etc rather than hold a grudge or try to punish you. (Doesn’t mean they won’t be still be upset of course.)

Willingness to admit fault and take responsibility when they make a mistake/speak in anger/etc and work on their own negative behaviors. Related: taking you seriously when something upsets you even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal from their perspective.

Not losing their temper when things don’t go their way. Example: do you want to be with someone who blows up when the car breaks down on a road trip and makes everyone else miserable or the person who calmly calls the repair service and tries to make the best of it?

Not making personal attacks during arguments. Focusing more on how they are feeling and fixing the problem at hand, and then reconciling afterward, rather than lashing out with a list of perceived character flaws. Example: “I feel disrespected when…” rather than “You’re such a disrespectful [expletive of choice]!”

Genuine care for you and others; a lack of self-centeredness. Being open to hear the perspectives of others, even when they don’t agree. An understanding that they are not the center of the universe, they are not always right, and there is always something to learn.

In short: emotional maturity.


2. They Bring Out The Best In You

When you like the person that you become when you’re with them. Everyone projects a different version of themselves around different people and if you don’t like who you become when you’re with someone, it’s probably not going to be the healthiest relationship. Your SO should bring out the best in you.


3. Co-Existing In Silence

The ability to co exist in very companionable silence.


4. Doing Hated Chores Together

If it’s a chore you both hate, you do it together. My late husband and I both HATED folding laundry, but it had to be done. So we always did it together. Made the chore less of a pain.


5. Are You Ok?

It’s a pretty convoluted story, but I was dating a guy, had to drive his car to get him from a situation, and wrecked his car due to mechanical failure, and called my mama to come get me so we could go get him.

“Rescued” him. Then had to tell him I’d wrecked his car.

His first question: “Are you okay?”

My mom overheard. “That one’s a keeper.”


6. Helping Even When Angry

No matter how angry you are at one another. You will still go out of your way or they go out of their way to help. I’ll be wicked pissed, but I’ll angrily make my wife her favorite dinner even though I don’t want to eat. No matter how angry we are at one another (usually only last a short period of time) we will never sabotage or try to teach them a lesson. Many times, it ends up being both apologizing to one another. Arguing and getting angry is just part of a relationship and unavoidable. It is how you deal with it that’s sets it apart from a healthy relationship versus a bad one.


7. Being Able To Forgive And Move Past It

Able to forgive mistakes. Early in our relationship I accidentally backed my car into my Fiance’s car while coming out of the driveway. I definitely did damage. I immediately started freaking out and crying and he just calmly got out of his car, came up to mine and asked if I was okay. He got me to calm down and said it was fine it was just an accident. He never made me feel bad about it. He called it our little bump to my friends to minimize my embarrassment.

We laugh about it to this day. (Sidenote his dad who works with cars fixed his car for him at no cost)

EDIT: No he did not have any way of knowing his Dad would/could fix the car. His father is not a mechanic, his father knows a mechanic. His Father didn’t bring up fixing the car until several months later.


8. The Little Things

When you’re on a road trip and your partner feeds you fries and helps you drink your soda or whatever. I think that’s such a nice simple gesture of kindness.


9. Two Important Things

I feel like there’s a lot of detailed examples that largely boil down to two things: empathy and emotional maturity.


10. Being On Your Side

My ex would tease me a lot and would tease me in front of his family. He would say things like “Oh she changed her outfit 3 times because she thought you guys would judge her.” Or “She didn’t really want to come over but I convinced her.” He would be laughing and joking but these things would be the truth! When I was going to meet my current boyfriend’s family I was really nervous! In the car I said “Please don’t tell them how nervous I am, it’s so embarrassing!” He looked at me in shock and said “I’m on YOUR side! Why would I tell them that?” And it was like a freaking lightbulb! Love this guy 🙂


11. Genuine Support

Genuine support in your life goals, even if that means you two will have to go long distance for a while or will have to have conflicting work schedule or it will make your relationship harder in some way. If they love you and want you to be happy, they will be genuinely interested in what you want to do and will try to support you to do that in whatever way they can. They won’t hold you back in anyway.

This is something me and my SO have been facing something similar to this recently, he’s just graduated and is looking for a job. As much as I want him to stay close by so we don’t have to do long distance for any more time than we have to (I’m going home for the summer). But if he gets a job the other side of the country I won’t stop him and as long as I’m around I’ll help him pack up.


12. Not Getting Defensive

When your SO takes criticism from you seriously without immediately trying to turn it back on you.

If the converse is also true, you two stand a great chance of going the distance.


13. Healthy Conflict

Being able to have healthy conflict without fear that conflict will cause the end of the relationship. It’s green flag (and a relief) to have natural disagreements and communication about those disagreements without constant fear that someone’s going to hit the nuclear option.


14. Feeling Safe

When you never have to question their whereabouts and you get that “safe” feeling.


15. Not Always Sexual

Non-sexual compliments.


16. Doing Things Without Being Asked

Your partner does things for you without asking and remembers little details. For example I like eating with a fruit fork (the smaller version of the dinner fork) I actually googled that since our family calls them the little forks lol. Anyway, my partner remembers this and will grab it for me when we’re dishing up food. Another good one is they make you feel appreciated.


17. Laughter And Smiles


And also: I’ve been with my partner for 40 years (this month!) and I still smile when I see him across a room. He still makes me laugh and my heart soars when I think of him.


18. Good Listening Skills

Listening to you and remembering the things you’ve said. Back when me and my boyfriend started dating, he’d sometimes bring up things that I’ve said before (ex: my favorite foods, candies, etc.). Made me super happy and could tell he genuinely cared.


19. No Games

You don’t feel like they are “playing games.”

Communication is direct and you don’t feel too nervous about what you should or shouldn’t do or say, and you’re not worried about what they do or don’t do or say. (Some “butterflies” is normal, of course.)

EDIT: To clarify, my point here is it’s possible to meet someone who, right from the beginning, you’re not overly concerned about your interactions. You don’t have to think too much about what to text them or when (same with calls). They don’t leave you wondering about when they will respond to you and what delaying means. They don’t say or do cryptic things that you have to go home and call in a panel of friends to analyze.

This is not to say that, in the beginning, you shouldn’t take care to be on your better behavior and not to overshare. This is not game-playing, it’s being considerate.


20. Communication and Boundaries

They communicate if they will be delayed and how long they will be.

Talk things through BEFORE it becomes a screaming match. Not after.

Asks about boundaries/traumas and doesn’t judge you for them, but instead respects them.


21. Respect

They respect your food issues, whether preferences, allergies, etc.

Bonus Points: They defend you to their blood relatives.


22. It’s Easy

It feels “easy”.

Effortless. Unforced. Natural.

This is a good sign of a real connection. Compromise feels like second nature. You both breath thoughtfulness and consideration towards each other. You figure things out, together. You see each other, respect each other, and appreciate each other.


23. Productive Disagreements

Arguments are productive and fair. You listen to each other even when you’re angry.

They can still be difficult, and everyone gets too angry sometimes, but if one or both of you is constantly mad and fixating on the same issue it’s time to go to therapy or jet out of there.


24. They Make Time For You

The person makes time for you.

Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, people will always find a way to make time for those they care about.

Let’s say I’m super busy with my day. I can find ten seconds to respond to your text. I have to eat a meal at some point, so even if I’m super pressed, I can invite you to have a meal with me (at restaurant, at a fast food place, at someone’s home…). I can call you when I’m driving in my car.

It baffles me when people say “I was too busy.” Too busy to what? You mean you couldn’t spare ten seconds from your day to try to nourish your relationship with the other person? We all know you were on your phone while pooping, you could’ve texted then!


25. Happy For Your Accomplishments

Genuine happiness about your accomplishments. Truly listening and remembering things you say that are important to you. Not taking you for granted. Looking into your interests or encouraging you. I’m fortunate enough to have a partner who does all of the above and more.