3 Hot And Cold Behaviors That Are Major Red Flags

You meet someone and immediately there’s a connection. You hit it off and you talk consistently…but then they start to get distant and less communicative.

And then they come back. Oh, I was busy, they say. They come back with just as much passion and flirtiness — and you’re sucked back in again.

But then, like clockwork, they go away again.

This is hot and cold behavior. Mixed signals, if you will. This can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and overthinking every conversation and every situation. You might even start to feel unworthy. Did I do something wrong? Is it me?

The more invested you become, the deeper you fall for them. You just want more. To quote Taylor Swift, “Every bait and switch was a work of art.”

Here are some hot and cold behaviors that are actually major red flags:

Their communication is inconsistent.

Do they ever text you and you suddenly get the butterflies?

Or, do you ever start to notice that they haven’t texted you in 2+ days?

It’s not necessary to text every day, but it is important to notice a pattern when they talk to you.

They’ll message you either out of the blue, when they’re bored or drunk or horny, or when they simply want you to give them attention. Some conversations might be good where you talk about real things, whereas others might just be small talk. Either way, there is nothing consistent about it.

They don’t make a plan to see you.

“If they wanted to, they would.”

It’s true — if they like and respect you, they will make an effort into seeing you. The late-night text asking to come over is not going to cut it.

If they’re not asking if you’re free next Tuesday night because there’s a restaurant they wanted to check out, it’s not worth it. If it’s Thursday and they’re not asking if you want to walk around the park with coffee because it’s supposed to be nice weather on Saturday, it’s not worth it. If they’re not considering you in their future plans, then they’re not worth it.

Another thing to take note of is if they flake on plans and how often they do that. If they don’t have a good reason as to why they canceled, that’s something to be aware of.

Being overly affectionate one day and distant the next.

When they give you attention and affection, it’s incredible. It’s passionate, flirty, intense.

But when they stop giving you that, you almost feel lost, like something’s missing. You might even feel like you’ve done something wrong (you probably haven’t). It’s both too much and also not enough.

Their inconsistent behavior and mixed signals have such a deep effect on you that when they give you attention, it’s like all is right with the world, and then when they go away, that world comes crashing down.

Their attention means everything to you — and it should not be like that.

This is a dating game. Don’t let yourself fall for the tricks. Don’t keep yourself in this limbo — you deserve more than that.