Jeremy Perkins

30 Guys Share The Relationship Pitfalls They Learned The Hard Way

Every relationship–even the bad ones that strip you to the bone–are learning experiences. You now know what you want next time and what you definitely won’t put up with. Recently guys shared the lessons from past relationships that they’ll take to their new ones, and they’re some incredibly useful bits of love advice. Sure, they had to learn them the hard why, but now future relationships will be better for it.

Don’t be left with nothing.

Never make someone your everything because if you lose them, you’re left with nothing. You need other things to make yourself happy and live a fulfilling life. You need friends, hobbies, goals, etc.


Be careful what you put up with.

What you put up with, you end up with.


Go all in.

Be in it or don’t. Back and forth will end in disaster.


Make sure you’re actually compatible.

Compatibility is different from attraction, and even love. Make sure your individual ideas of an ideal life can be aligned.


Love the person, not the idea of them.

Make sure you’re in love with the ACTUAL person, not your idealized version of them that exists only in your head.


It doesn’t have to be forever.

It’s ok to lose a relationship.


Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Don’t not communicate for fear of making someone upset.

Speak your truth and talk shit out.


Like yourself first.

Be comfortable with your own quirks. If you’re not comfortable, then you can’t expect your other half to be comfortable with it. In my case, overthinking and unbiased anxiety.


A “break” is never the answer.

Don’t accept a “break” – if it’s a relationship issue you solve it together, or you break up if either one of you is unwilling to work towards a solution.


Fix your issues.

Recognize your own issues, and try to fix them. This is never ending, but the more you do, the easier it is. It’s nothing but a healthy habit.


Only stay if you want to.

Don’t stay out of loyalty, obligation, or guilt. Stay because you genuinely want to.

Along the same line, don’t set yourself on fire to keep her warm.


Restrain your jealousy.

Your trust is theirs to maintain. Your jealousy is yours to restrain.


Work toward a solution.

It’s not me versus her it’s both of us versus the problem


Find someone who values you.

The value of self worth. Don’t make them a priority if all you are is an option to them. Recognize that and walk away and find someone who is just as excited to be with you as you are to be with them


Be okay with being alone.

You can be ok without a partner. This helps you get a good partner.


It’s all about the intuition.

Don’t ignore your gut instinct.


Learn how to actually apologize.

“I’m sorry you feel that way” is an attack veiled as an apology.


Know when to let go.

If she wants out, just let her go.


Don’t over-invest.

Do not over invest, match the giving and receiving of emotions and material things, don’t trust someone 100% until you know them better and watch out for red flags.


Don’t be complacent.

Always raise your concerns. Never be complacent. ALWAYS be the bigger, kinder, more measured person.


Violence is never okay.

The instant she lays a hand on you the relationship is OVER.


Don’t be the only one putting in effort.

I’ll never be the lone initiator again. Dated a girl who was insanely hot (like actually unbelievably hot) and i was the only one who showed any effort. I’ve learned since then that absolutely not all girls are like that though.


You’ll know.

If they like you, you’ll know.

If not, then you’ll be confused.


Don’t date them for their “potential.”

Date them for who they are, not what they could be.


No means no.

I’m allowed to say no. If my no ever gets disrespected I’m leaving pretty much on the spot. It does not mean try harder. It does not mean throw a fit. It does not mean try to get me drunk. It does not mean pout and give me the cold shoulder.


Don’t ignore the small things.

Don’t let the negatives go to far, deal with them STRAIGHT THE FUCK AWAY. In a relationship, there will always be times when you feel negatively about the other person for one thing or another, serious things get talked about straight away.

But small things, small things add up. The longer you leave them, the more there are. I find most people don’t want to talk about the smaller things. “It’ll fix itself”, “I’ll get used to it” you tell yourself and they keep happening. You feel like you can’t get mad about these things because they’re so small. But they get big, over time they get big and eventually you’ll blow up and look like an asshole.

Approach every situation where you feel negatively about your partner to your partner. EVERY. SITUATION. It’s worth uncomfortable talks, for the comfort when you reach a compromise. Trust me.


Don’t be someone’s doubt.

Women saying they have doubts or anything and wanting to think about it. I’ll make it easy, I’m not an option or a doubt so bye.


They need to show you they love you.

Someone can say they love you for years and years and never mean it. Look at what they do, not what they say. If it doesn’t feel like they love you, don’t convince yourself they do.


Don’t be with someone who’s afraid of conflict.

Confront issues and only be with partners that are happy to bring up issues without fear of conflict. The thing is: Conflicts will occur either way and the best indication for a couple to be together long-term is their ability to solve issues together (read some study after a bad breakup).

So jump on conflicts, solve them together and if that works out, the relationship will work out. If issues, problems are avoided and swept under the rug the relationship will either explode or just dissolve.


The right person will love you for you.

I’ve been married for nearly 12 years. I will tell you this: The person for you is the person who loves you for what you are. They are also the person who encourages you to be better. They see and understand what you’re capable of and support you. They accept that you can fail. They celebrate your wins.

Before my wife, I never realized what that was like. If you’ve got a partner like that, treasure it.