30 People In Happy Relationships Tell What Green Flags They Noticed About Their Partner Early In The Relationship

1. Exceeded All High Standards

It was instantly easy to talk to her. I never felt like I had to put on a show for her because she never did with me, and she actively affirmed me in that.

She immediately blew every standard I thought was high enough out of the water.

meltingfrog

2. Recognizing My Needs

Evaluating my needs, something as simple as offering me some of their water after getting it for themselves.

Yivo9

3. Respects My Wishes

I hate being tickled, but am very ticklish. She discovered it early in the relationship, and I asked her once to not tickle me. She has never tickled me again in the following 10 years. Just shows respect.

Sir_Loin-Steak

4. Caring For My Family

I have an autistic sister. She’s currently 20 with the mental capacity of a three year old. Not everyone knows how to handle that. Well, 4 years ago when my girlfriend met my family, the two immediately became best friends. My girlfriend has always cared so much for my sister and would even sit with her while I wasn’t home so my mom could go have a life for herself.

To this day, my sister smiles and laughs like a mad man when she see my girlfriend. I don’t know how much information she can retain but they’ve always loved each other, and I think my gf has had a huge impact on her life.

noahlantz

5. The Positivity

She isn’t afraid to have a different opinion than mine, but she always hears me out and she ALWAYS supports me.

Every time I phrase something about myself in a negative way, she reframes it for me in a different light and more often than not it pulls me out of a dark mood. In my previous relationship I felt awfully critiqued for just being the person who I was, and that critique would often make me feel guilty for not meeting the standards set for me by my SO. Now that I’ve got a partner who celebrates who I am, I realize all along that I’ve been holding myself back from just doing what makes me happy.

djkmart

6. My Safe Space

He enabled me to face my fears, not by pushing me but by being the ultimate “safe space” enabling me to take emotional risks and grow mentally. Right from the beginning I could trust him totally.

I never once checked on him, worried about him cheating, or felt that jealous uncertain churning in my stomach. This was very new for me at the time and hasn’t changed.

After 20 years of marriage he still accepts me 100% yet makes me want to be a better person.

Plus he’s funny af. Like cant breathe, weak with laughter funny.

Genuinely incredibly grateful all the time that we found each other when we did (early 20s) and we get to spend so much of our lives together.

sometimesnowing

7. Communication Is Key

Being able to discuss anything, even flaws, without them/me getting mad. Communication is the most important thing in a healthy relationship. (Love is just as important though, I guess).

Todbringe98

8. Open Communication and Encouragement

Communication is amaaaazing.

In the first few months of dating my gf I did/said something my gf didn’t like, and instead of being passive aggressive about it or complaining about me to other people which was how my family ‘resolved’ things, she took me aside and explained how she felt and why she felt that way. It was really confronting at the time and really cemented how we communicated openly after that. It’s been 20+ years now so it definitely works for us.

On the other hand, she’d never had people in her family encourage her or believe in her. So when she did well in studies or anything in her personal life I’d say how proud I was of her for sticking with it, learning, growing. She says that gave her a lot of strength to push through challenges – I know she struggles like any normal person, but a part of me still sees her as being unstoppable so I find it hard to comprehend her struggling with anything.

crochetquilt

9. Not Making Me Feel Stupid Ever

My fiancé is extremely intelligent. He has two STEM degrees, a very successful smart-person career, his memory is stellar, and he’s able to digest new information at lightning speed. I’m intellectually average, and a lifelong heavy reader with an English degree.

He’s never once made me feel stupid for not knowing or understanding something, which is lovely, but what gets me even more is his absolute comfort with the gaps in his own knowledge. He never pretends to know things he doesn’t, and he’s not self-conscious about it. His face absolutely lights up every time someone uses an unfamiliar word. He takes such obvious pleasure in learning. It’s an admirable trait and was an early sign that he was somebody I wanted to spend a lot of time with.

address-unknown

10. Fixing Things When He Wasn’t Asked

We’d been dating for about a month, one day out of the blue he turns to me and goes “I could take apart and clean the drain pipes under your sink if you want. I noticed the sink is a bit slow to empty”. Completely unprompted. That’s when I knew he’s a man who wants to build something with me.

Jane9812

11. Being Calm

I grew up in an angry, volatile home. Anything could make the “adults” snap and go on a rampage.

When my then boyfriend, now husband, and I came home to find a major leak in the bedroom ceiling, which had leaked all over the bed and caused significant damage, he just flatly said, “Well, shit.” And called the building manager. No screaming, no throwing things, no blaming anyone, just a calm acceptance and then action to rectify the problem. We’re going on 16 years married and 20 years together.

ChockBox

12. No Complaints

When the others ladies at my work place were airing their complaints about their spouses, and I couldn’t think of a single thing to contribute to the conversation.

ecmc

13. Laughing At Himself

He can laugh at himself.

Travel_The_World

14. Selfless Behavior

He drove 2 hours on his birthday to pick me up when my mom abandoned me in a parking lot, brought me home, and sat with me while my parents and I tried to talk things over. My stepfather started screaming obscenities at me for no real reason, he helped me pack everything I owned in his truck and I moved in that night. After dating for two months. It’s been two years, and we got married last month.

jcw10489

15. No Second Guesses

Before my first marriage, I often thought that maybe I should cancel the wedding… and the marriage didn’t work out.

I never had that thought going into my second marriage. Not one, single time.

That’s a pretty hardcore green flag, right there. And obviously, potentially a red flag, too, if you’re entertaining a fair amount of doubt prior to a wedding.

theundercoverpapist

16. The Little Things

It’s the little things, really. Like he will always respond and pay attention to me when I called his name, even if it’s for mundane stuff like me wanting to point out there’s a snail on the pavement.

pm_me_your_fancam

17. Understanding of a Bloody Situation

The first time we had sex I got my period and didn’t realize until we were done and I went to the bathroom to pee. It wasn’t a ton of blood but I know it was enough to have gotten on him and the sheet. I walked out of the bathroom and he was standing in the doorway of the room and said something like “is everything okay? Did you get your period or something?” And then we both smiled big and started cracking up and he was totally cool and sweet. The next morning he invited me to go sheet shopping with him because he “needed new ones anyway and wants me to like the ones he picks”.

That was about 9 years ago.

addicted_to_blistex

18. Rather Be With Her Than Anyone Else

I’d rather spend time with her doing nothing than doing something with anyone else.

stephndunne

19. Super Likeable

I noticed that people genuinely liked him, even strangers. And he’d smile at babies.

Electronic-Worry4666

20. Trust

We trusted each other to go out alone and have fun with friends of the opposite sex. No jealousy, just faith that you’d do the right thing.

Source: with her for 14 years and marries for 9.

dirtyw82

21. She’s Supportive

I have some pretty serious depression and anxiety stuff, and my wife always supports me when I have episodes. She’s never once said get over it, or been frustrated, or pushed me away. She had a crappy day at work once and got in the car super upset and noticed I was having a depressive episode and immediately put her own issues on hold. Thankfully I was able to come up far enough from my own depression to get her to talk through her stuff. We ended up eating takeout in bed and hugging our pets, and we did it together.

Having a supportive partner is absolutely the best thing in the world. We have to remember they’re human and have bad days too, but then we get to be there for them.

crochetquilt

22. Tough Guy, Soft Heart

He’s a big tough guy, covered in tattoos. Very “man’s man.”

We were driving one day and in a split second, he drove off the road, ran out and stopped 5 lanes of traffic to let a family of ducks and their tiny babies cross the road. No hesitation.

You bet I put a ring on that man. 14 years and counting.

Fatlantis

23. Differing Opinions

We could disagree on certain topics or values without killing each other.

Liamdukerider

24. Fell Right Into Fatherhood

My son was two when my boyfriend and I got together, and after a few months he met my son. He didn’t warm up to him in the first couple of months, and it really weighed on my boyfriend.

After I put him to bed one night, my boyfriend was quietly crying and told me how concerned he was that my son just didn’t seem to like him. I explained that since his bio dad was never around, he didn’t have a lot of men in his life, and I think he saw him as competition.

Fast forward to now, my son is six, and they’re inseparable. My son considers him his dad, and we’ve talked about my boyfriend adopting him when we get married.

lilpastababy

25. Long-Term Friendships

She had a lot of active, long-term, stable friendships. She was still close with several friends who she’d had since childhood, high school, college, etc, despite having moved inter-state multiple times, and she was still making new friends.

Keeping friendships active takes a lot of traits that are important in a relationship partner: good communication, being able to articulate your feelings, empathy, etc.

The only downside in having a partner like that is that their guest list at your wedding is huge!

mr_evilweed

26. Food!

He feeds me so I keep coming back.

nonono_notagain

27. His Kindness

Honestly, a lot of people thought my green flag was a red one.

When he was in the process of separating from his ex we were already friends, but not yet a couple. His ex was trying to get on disability after him having supported her for years. He moved out, but kept working and sending her most of his money for over a year till the disability payments came through.

Most people thought that was gullible of him, but it was a gesture of pure kindness. He didn’t want her to lose her housing or anything just because they didn’t work out. I started falling for him because of that. I knew that even if we didn’t work out, he wouldn’t leave me destitute or stranded. I felt safe taking a chance on him as our relationship developed. We’ve been together 10 years now, and married for 4.

He’s the sweetest, most amazing guy ever.

tiggykins

28. A Few Green Flags

I’m 29 and we’re closing in on our 10 year anniversary. The green flag that pops out the most is when I biked to the restaurant we met at, she noticed my helmet straps were loose. They’d always been sort of messed up. Anyways she spent a good 5 minutes fixing them and finally got it to strap properly. It’s silly, but I just loved that she cared enough about my safety to do that.

Other than that major green flags for me are: not arguing that much at all (some people say it’s healthy to argue but we just don’t disagree on much at all), if we do argue we always, always resolve it and make up before going to sleep.

We also were long distance for a couple years and would talk on the phone/Skype for 30 mins- and hour every day. Strengthening our communication like that was a definite green flag. I used to have a little notepad where I’d write things I wanted to remember to tell her about on our daily call.

Lastly, early on a big green flag was her being proud to show me off to her friends and family.

HighSintellect

29. Playful Competition

First date we were making out and I let out a really gross fart slip out on accident. She deadass looks me in the eye, rips one, and says, “Top that motherfucker.”

Been married for 13 years.

MrJoyless

30. Love of Animals

The very first time he came to pick me up, he literally laid down on the grass to meet my dog who was barking out of caution. Penny deemed he was a good guy and the were buddies the rest of her days. You can tell a lot about a man (woman for that matter) by how they treat animals.

CatalinaCally