31 Lessons I’ve Learned Over 31 Years

Back in 2018, I published an article titled “28 Lessons I’ve Learned Over 28 Years,” but now, on the border of 32—and with more life experiences under my belt—I thought it was time for a refresh. 

Here are 31 lessons I’ve learned over the course of my 31 (almost 32) years.

1. If you start to feel anxious during your day, go and make your bed. It’s a simple enough activity that will surprisingly give you the little boost you need when your to-do list has you feeling super overwhelmed.

2. There’s nothing wrong with looking into alternative forms of therapy. Remember how online schools used to be looked down on, even as recently as a decade ago? Well, as society has evolved, that stigma no longer exists—especially now that remote everything has become the norm since the introduction of COVID-19. Well, the same principle applies to therapy. As long as you’re getting the support you need, it doesn’t matter if you’re talking over the phone, sending text messages, or meeting face-to-face with your therapist, so don’t think therapy can only be successful if it fits into a certain box or category. 

3. Stress can make you gain weight. A lot of it, especially when coupled with bad habits like not drinking enough water, overeating, and remaining stagnant. When you feel stressed, try to lift some weights, do some squats, or even take a walk upstairs. Exercise naturally releases endorphins, which as Elle Woods says, make you happy. It’s a free way to de-stress and combat those feelings early on before you fall down the rabbit hole.

4. Boundaries aren’t a bad thing. In fact, they’re necessary. And it’s okay to set them with your boss, your friends, and even your family. While it’s lovely to want to be there for everyone who needs it, you can’t always do it at the expense of your own mental health. No one has to be accessible 24/7.

5. If you feel guilty about buying something, don’t get it. You’ll regret it once it arrives anyway.

6. Likewise, if you have to think about buying something, don’t do it. I’m not talking about big purchases like a car or house but rather the small, insignificant stuff that you’re not sure you’ll use or you only want to buy because that influencer you love brought it up on Instagram.

7. Speaking of this motto, apply it to every area of your life. This has gotten me a lot of hate in the past because people tend to think it means to act rather impulsively. But that’s not what I mean. When it comes to the big milestones—the big choices that have a say on how your life’s going to unfold—if you have to contemplate it, it’s not the right decision for you at this time. If your significant other proposes, it should be an easy yes (or no). If you have hesitations about starting a family or moving, wait. Hesitations are, of course, normal depending on the circumstances, but if you aren’t sure about something that will significantly change your life, then wait until you feel more confident. The right time will always present itself. And if you’re worried that you won’t get there, trust me when I say you will.

8. When someone tells you who they are, listen. Actions always have—and always will—speak louder than words.

9. If you plan to take care of your parents or elder relatives in the future, start saving money for it now. It will cost more money than you realize.

10. If you’re scared of developing cancer, force yourself to go for a cancer screening. It’s better to know than to sit in the dark. Plus, it forces you to confront a very normal, natural fear we all have: death. And that, in a strange way, can be kind of healthy.

11. You’re already way better at things than you thought you were. Practice just makes you better, so don’t be afraid to give your hand at sewing, painting, or writing if you have even the slightest interest in it.

12. If you’re going to splurge on anything, splurge on a vacation. Stuff goes out of style. Your weight will fluctuate, so those pants may end up in the back of your closet. But a vacation gives you the mental clarity you need to jump back into your life and make shit happen. Make vacationing a priority in your life, because that mantra of creating a life you don’t need a vacation from will only apply if bad shit doesn’t happen—and bad shit is always gonna happen.

13. Attending a funeral of someone who was cremated is actually a lot easier than seeing a casket. It’s still hard, but the reality of their death isn’t so…in your face.

14. You can love someone but not like them. My mother heard this from a co-worker decades ago and it’s just as prolific to me now as it was the first time I heard it.

15. People who genuinely like you and genuinely want to be with you will make it known. You won’t have to guess where you stand. And if you do have to guess, it’s a red flag to move on and stop wasting your time.

16. Taking the time to learn about your friend’s mental health diagnosis can make you better equipped to provide support for them when they need it. There’s plenty of times that I just couldn’t wrap my head around why my friend was so obsessed or overwhelmed by something that I thought was insignificant, but once I learned a little bit more about their diagnosis, I understood WHY those things bothered them. It made me more compassionate. 

17. …But so does asking them “How can I support you?” Sometimes, when someone’s suffering, they don’t need to talk to someone who has all the answers. What they need to survive doesn’t have to match the kind of support you want to give.

18. People are definitely not looking at you thinking, “Wow, look how bad they look!” So wear the damn outfit.

19. When you start talking about how many kids you want, where you want to live, or opening up a bank account together, discuss whether or not you would take in either of your parents or other relatives that need help. You never know what may happen, and it’s best to have these conversations up front so you know where each of you stand than be met with the decision when the choice is no longer available.

20. You can’t rescue someone without victimizing yourself. If you don’t want to be around someone or partake in an event that makes you uncomfortable, choosing to go for any other reason than your own interest will cause you to victimize yourself and lash out at others. If your partner is mad, they’ll get happy again.

21. You can’t convince someone of your reality until they experience it for themselves. And that sucks.

22. Some people are just fucking mean. Not everyone needs a reason. And even if you have a reason for why you did what you did or said what you did, not everyone will give a shit anyway.

23. People tend to reveal themselves in the wake of tragedy, so pay attention.

24. If you’re someone who has a propensity for delaying gratification, stop. Your life doesn’t have to be in order before you enjoy it. Otherwise, you’ll end up missing it. 

25. The first day you experience that anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach is the same day you should start looking for another job. The longer you stay, the more difficult your work days will be. 

26. Furthermore, you don’t have to land a new job to feel better. Even something as small as submitting your resume to a job you don’t really think you’re qualified for or even interested in can make you feel better. 

27. Even the best of friends are going to have their season. In other words, sometimes what seems like the closest friendship ends. But, if you reflect back on that relationship, chances are, you’ll identify the cracks that were there the whole time. Like I said in an earlier entry, people who genuinely want to be with you will make it known. Real friendships don’t crack so easily. And they especially don’t let their egos get in the way of resolution. 

28. You have to ask for help because no matter how often you talk about your situation, people are not going to offer help. They’re just not, simply because your situation is never going to trump theirs. It’s an unfortunate but realistic fact of life. 

29. Re-inventing yourself is not as easy as dying your hair a wild color (though that can surely help). It’s realizing what bothers you about your day-to-day and making small, concerted steps to change them. Change doesn’t have to be overnight and in fact, it’s better if it’s not. Start small. Lift weights for five minutes. Play your favorite song in the shower so you’re not consumed by negative thoughts. Make your bed. Small positive changes lead to larger, more impactful progress. 

30. Sometimes when you’re not having a good time, you have to force yourself to do it anyway. Eventually, you will experience that little a-ha moment that makes it all worth it. 

31. It isn’t worth it to be sad all the time. It takes so much from you that you really don’t deserve.