4 Birth Months Who Never Really Grow Up

We were all children at one time, but most of us have the good sense to grow out of it.

For many of us, childhood will forever hold some of the sweetest memories of our lives. But then, in a flash, the responsibilities of adulthood—working, paying bills, raising children of our own, learning when to be quiet and mind our own business—force us to put away such childish things.

But like I said, that’s most of us. Some of us never grow up. Well into old age, some of us continue with the tantrum-throwing, the abdication of all responsibility, and the manipulative torrents of fake tears.

There’s a natural instinct to comfort a crying baby because they’re cute, innocent, and vulnerable. All those instincts fly out the window when we’re dealing with an adult who’s just seeking attention, validation, or trying to guilt-trip you into giving them something.

Here are the four birth months most likely to never grow up. Of course I’m laying things on a bit thick here, but if you’re not a baby in an adult’s body, you’ll be able to handle the good-natured insults without crying.

April

Is there anything more unattractive than a Ram who never grew out of their diapers? (Forgive me for planting that image in your mind. It was immature of me.) Well into adulthood, those born in April can have the attention span of a flea and the temperament of a pit bull on meth. A fire sign ruled by Mars—the planet which forms the root word of “martial”—they’re fired-up and ready to go to war over the most trivial things. Let’s say you didn’t put enough milk on their Frosted Flakes. Right as you turn away from them and walk back to the sink to clean the dishes, don’t be surprised if you suddenly get bonked in the back of the head by their baby rattle, which they’ve violently flung at you from the comfort of their padded high chair.

May

The Bull’s often incurable childishness is manifested in their legendary, Olympic-grade stubbornness. If you tell them to do something, they’ll refuse to do it just for spite. It doesn’t even matter what you tell them. If, with a sort of gentle desperation, you tell them, “Hey, your house is on fire, I think you should call the fire department,” they’ll just glare at you and say, “I REALLY don’t like it when you talk to me that way.” They are the proverbial person who will cut off their nose to spite their face. And just like Gandhi said, “People who cut off their nose to spite their face will just leave the whole world without noses.”

July

The most deeply emotional and easily hurt of all the signs, July is as dramatic as an opera clown and as spoiled as a cup of yogurt left out in the Saharan sun. They will hold onto a grudge like it’s a bar of 24-karat gold and will cry at the drop of a hat, even if it’s not their hat and especially if they don’t even like hats. They’re forever crying and sulking and weeping and bawling. They cry so many phony tears, their eyelids risk becoming glued shut from all the accumulated salt. They’ll cry so much that you’ll feel compelled to stick a pacifier in their mouth, turn off the light, and lock them in their soundproof nursery.

June

To be clear, I’m talking about the immature Twin here, not the mature one. The mature one is an absolute delight to be around. June’s childish side is most flagrantly manifested in a cruelly passive-aggressive streak that is so infuriating, you’ll be tempted to cram them into a little baby rocket ship and send them on a one-way trip into outer space. They’ll repeatedly pepper you with snarky comments: “Wow, you’re really not as heavy as people say you are….What you just said makes sense, which is rare for you….That was really funny, and it’s also surprising, because I didn’t think you had it in you.” They’ll push it to the point where you’ll be tempted to reveal the Evil Baby that’s secretly lurking within all of us.