4 Concrete Signs Your Partner Is Hoping You’ll Change (And Doesn’t Accept Who You Are)

When you think about your one true love, your soulmate, you’re not only imagining how they make you feel, but how they feel about you in return. The dream relationship finds you with a partner who loves you just as you are. But is that the reality that you’ve found yourself in? Or are you dating someone who wants you to change? Look for the signs below. If they fit every concrete sign, you might want to rethink the relationship.

They point out your faults, but say they’re just “joking.”

They might poke fun at the way you dress or the fact that you never graduated college, and when you point out that it hurts your feelings, they hide behind a “joke.” Someone who loves you as you are wouldn’t even think of those things as negatives, let alone joke about them.

When they introduce you, they talk about what you’re going to be, and not what you are.

It’s time to meet their friends or family, and suddenly they’re introducing you with their aspirations for you, rather than reality. For instance, maybe you’re working a retail job while you take night classes. They’ll mention the career you’ll get after those classes are done, and not mention where you’re currently working. It sounds like they’re ashamed of where you are in life and are just waiting it out until you become who they want you to be.

They compare you to their ex.

“Well, my ex did it this way.” It’s almost as if their ex is like a third person in this relationship, one that always does things just a little bit better than you. While we all have pasts, your partner’s prior relationships shouldn’t remain a highlight of every conversation. They’d rather mold you into who they were once with, rather than enjoying the unique person that you already are.

They aren’t that supportive when you get excited about the things you care about.

You talk about the cool new hobby that you’re learning or the story that you wrote, and your partner just rolls their eyes. They might even encourage you to give up on the things you love. A loving partner–one who likes you just as you are–is always happy to support what you love. They’re on your team. They’re your biggest cheerleader. Anything less isn’t worth the trouble.