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5 Concrete Signs You’re In A Self-Abandonment Cycle

Self-abandonment is the process of neglecting your own needs, wants, feelings, and values. Self-abandonment often presents in relationships but it can show up in the relationship we hold with ourselves, too.

Here are five concrete signs you’ve been stuck in a self-abandonment cycle.

1. You struggle with self-trust.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), self-abandonment is most often the result of low or absent self-trust. To trust yourself means you have faith in your own word, your own decisions, and your own instincts. If you have a lack of self-trust, however, you may second guess all of your choices, value others’ opinions over your own, and doubt your ability to see your goals through.

2. You’re a chronic people pleaser.

If you’re in a self-abandonment cycle, you most likely are also a chronic people pleaser. People pleasing presents in a number of different ways including incessantly apologizing, attempting to regulate the emotions of others, struggling to say no, and more.

People pleasing at its core is a form of self-abandonment because it makes others’ wants, needs, and desires more important than yours. It means you’re likely suppressing your feelings and invalidating your own needs in order to make others happy and comfortable.

3. You’re really hard on yourself.

Your negative self-talk is so reflexive at this point you don’t know what it would be like to speak kindly to yourself (and about yourself). You feel completely disconnected from your self-compassion because you don’t think you deserve your own kindness or the kindness of others.

On that note…

4. You tolerate disrespect.

You really struggle with sticking up for yourself and standing your ground, even in cases of blatant disrespect from others. Deep down, it’s probably because you don’t think you’re worthy of respect.

5. You hide parts of yourself from others because you’re afraid of being rejected.

This can include your thoughts, feelings, goals, and interests. You essentially abandon the integral pieces of yourself in favor of what you believe is a more lovable, less difficult version of yourself. You’re terrified of being seen fully because you don’t think who you actually are is worth loving. And it’s very painful, if you’re being honest.


Self-abandonment is self-destruction. As Psych Central explains, chronic self-abandonment patterns can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and unfulfilling and unhealthy relationships.

If you think you’re in a self-abandonment cycle, remember that you matter and so do your thoughts, feelings, and values. Work on improving your self-trust and begin showing up for yourself in the form of self-care and self-love.