5 Dating Tips For The Newly Single To Get You Back In The Game
Going through a divorce or ending a long-term relationship is something no one wants to go through. The healing process is long and arduous, leaving us feeling like we should close our hearts off to love for good. At some point, the time to pick yourself up and dust yourself off will come and you will need to enter the scary world of dating again. Here are a few tips to help you navigate the challenge of finding your future love interest.
1. Be aware that the dating scene has changed
Over the decades, lifestyles, communications, and relationship dynamics have drastically changed. But even if your dating gap is short-term, you might be surprised how quickly things can change. Dating lingo seems to be constantly changing. Over the past few years a relatively new term, “ghosting,” became widespread. Ghosting is when one develops a connection with someone and then stops all communication, leaving the unaware party confused. The word was so popular it resulted in an official entry into the Merriam-Webster Dictionary in 2017. Other commonly used phrases like “love-bombing” and “breadcrumbing” have become well-known over the years.
The use of online dating is a trend that seems to be here to stay. For a long time, people could publish ads in their local papers when searching for a potential mate. Now we have dating apps and are no longer limited to searching our town, state, or country for a date. However, these changes have caused some issues. With so many online options, it is difficult to tell whether a partner is being faithful. Distrust, jealousy, comparison, and loss of connection are only some of the negative effects social media can have on a relationship.
Another common occurrence among modern singles is burnout. With so many options at one’s fingertips, it can become exhausting to try and choose from such a large pool of candidates. Experimenting with people you find interesting can be fun and exciting. But sorting through each candidate and attempting to establish a real connection can wear on you after a while. If you are aware of these changes and potential issues, it might make your re-entry into dating a little less stressful.
2. Don’t chase
If you have logged on to TikTok lately, you’ll notice there are so many relationship gurus offering advice. One widespread suggestion is to be sure you know yourself and know your boundaries. Ultimately, the goal is to show someone you are interested in them while also maintaining your self-worth. It’s okay to use dating to experiment and dip your toes into the dating world, but sometimes we leave a relationship feeling broken or like we are damaged goods. This can lead us to seek love out of desperation or to confirm our self-worth. Be firm about your needs and know when to walk away from something that’s not a good fit. A potential partner who is flaky or inconsistent with communication or with showing affection is someone to walk away from. Feeling confident in the worth you have for yourself will reflect in the decisions you make regarding a potential partner. If you download any popular dating app, you will see there are plenty of singles out there just looking to love someone just like you. There is no need to chase anyone’s love.
3. Date yourself
That’s right, date yourself. This was a tip that came from a holistic healer I went to see a few times. While healing my aura and balancing my chakras, she realized that my heart chakra was blocked. I shared that I had recently started to feel very lonely and that I was having a difficult time finding love. She shared some very helpful advice: “Honey, you’ve got to date yourself first. If you want someone who is consistent with you, be consistent in a healthy routine for yourself. Do things to take care of yourself, spoil yourself, and take yourself out on dates. Because once you see how well you can love yourself, you can never settle for less.”
A light bulb went off when she said this. I was so wrapped up in finding someone to love that I forgot about loving myself. The best thing we can do while we are waiting for that new partner is to get obsessed with self-esteem-building activities and learn to love everything we can about ourselves. Loving yourself improves your self-worth, thus improving your confidence and ultimately making you more attractive to those around you. So if you’re not taking time for yourself, start working some self-love into your day.
4. Have a roster
This is a fun one. One day, as I sat in a therapy session crying over my most recent relationship failure, my therapist shared some of the best advice: have a roster.
“Date more than one man at a time,” she said. At first, my brain went to all the reasons why this was wrong and how I could never date more than one person at a time. She explained that until I have found someone I want to be committed to, there is no reason not to explore more than one option at a time. She encouraged me to not only date more than one person at a time but suggested that I date different types. This way, I could fully understand what I needed from my future forever partner. Just a little advice from me: Be sure not to ghost if you decide to not continue dating that person. It’s tacky!
5. Stay safe
This might be the most important topic. Another one of the newest trends is catfishing. Anyone can create a fake profile, steal pictures from someone else, and pretend to be someone they are not, making you think you are dating a Channing Tatum look-alike all along. Do yourself a favor and research everything you can on a person before meeting up or developing strong feelings with someone. If you are not already, start sharing any information you have about your date. This includes their phone number, social media profiles, and license plate if you can snap a picture of their vehicle. Keep yourself protected by sharing your location with someone dependable and who has your back. Trust me, I have watched enough true crime to know those few steps can keep you safe.
I hope you found these tips to be helpful. Now get out there and mingle.