5 Questions To Ask Yourself If Your Situationship Isn’t Progressing

Casual dating has been around for a while—but over the years, young daters have found themselves willingly opting to stay in the middle ground between being in a committed partnership and staying informal. Younger generations are taking a pragmatic approach to love and relationships and are drawn to this in-between romantic arrangement (as it lacks any pressure, titles, or expectations). They have interest in romance and intimacy, but have found a way to satisfy those desires that fit better with their current lifestyle and life stages. Rather than establishing a committed romantic relationship, this generation has shifted into the idea of ‘situationships’ — a term that describes the middle ground between friendship and a romantic relationship. 

In the early stages of getting to know someone, this sounds ideal. You’re not rushed or feel forced to define things, yet you can still hang out, enjoy their company, feed your pleasures and have someone to talk to throughout the day. Sounds perfect, right? 

For some people, this is exactly what they need — something casual, effortless and easy. It’s a decision they made and are happy with, and it’s working for both parties involved. But for others, somewhere down the line, they find themselves questioning why they ever aligned to this sort of arrangement. They realize they want something more with this person or that their needs aren’t being fully met but because the attraction is high, it’s hard for them to walk away. Would they rather fully let go and start over, or stay in this in-between but at least get a little something?

If you’re currently in a situationship where you do want your relationship to progress or aren’t fully content with how things are going, now might be a good time to rethink how much energy you’re putting into it. Ask yourself these five questions to help gauge how you should move forward:

1. Am I satisfied with the current state of the situationship?

Evaluate whether you are genuinely content and fulfilled with the way things are in the situationship right now. When you spend time with or talk to this person, do you feel mentally, physically and emotionally stimulated? Does the way you interact align with your needs, desires and long-term goals? When you talk about them with your friends, do you feel embarrassed to tell the truth or are you excited to share how things are going? If you find yourself consistently dissatisfied or longing for more, it may be a sign that it’s time to move on.

2. Have I communicated my expectations and desires?

Often we don’t acknowledge our role in our relationships. Our own decisions, words and actions also have an impact and any relationship (whether committed or noncommittal) is a two-way street. Reflect on your own contribution— have you clearly communicated your expectations, boundaries, standards and desires to your partner? Did you mutually align on what your intention is for this relationship and if so, did you speak your truth or did you agree with what your partner’s intentions were out of fear of rejection? If you haven’t expressed your authentic self or you feel as though your needs aren’t being met, it’s likely why you’re both on different pages. 

3. Do I see any potential for growth or change in the future?

If a relationship is moving in the right direction, you will have seen more positive changes than negative ones from the start to the present moment. Assess whether things have been moving forwards or whether you feel like you’ve gone backwards. Has your partner invested more time, effort and energy, or are they being lazier, distant and unavailable? Have they brought you into their world, or do you feel disconnected from their independent life? If there have been any disagreements or problems, have you both mutually been willing to work on them and have those issues been resolved? If there hasn’t been any sort of improvement, it likely won’t be coming in the near future either. 

4. Does this situationship align with my values and long-term goals?

If you’ve found yourself questioning whether this non-committal arrangement is right for you, it’s a good time to evaluate whether a situationship aligns with your core values and long-term relationship ideals. Is this type of partnership—where you’re constantly in the middle of friendship and romantic relationship—serving you? All types of partnerships should contribute to your personal growth, happiness, and overall well-being, but the right partner will bring out the best side of you, support you and be your biggest cheerleader. If it feels incompatible or you feel as though this is holding you back from expressing your true self, it might be time to let go. 

5. How does this situationship impact my overall happiness and emotional well-being?

Even if the moments you spend with them make you feel alive, how do you feel when they’re not around? Do you feel safe, seen, loved and prioritized? Often we put more emphasis on the handful of times we’re in their presence (where everything was perfect) over how they made us feel on a daily basis. Reflect on whether your situationship brings you joy, fulfillment and emotional safety, or if it consistently leaves you feeling unhappy, stressed and confused. Your emotional well-being is of utmost importance and if any person has a negative impact on it, then it might be time to protect your peace and move on.

At the end of the day, trusting your instincts is essential when it comes to dating. Only you know in your heart who or what is meant for you, but we often settle and dismiss our own worth out of the fear of being alone or starting over. These questions are meant to guide your self-reflection to help you make a decision that aligns with your own truth; always choose what feels right, but always think about your own happiness over anything else.