5 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re Afraid They’ll Leave

If you struggle with abandonment issues, this article is for you. Here are five things people don’t realize you’re doing because you’re afraid they’ll leave.

1. You take a while to reply to texts.

And not because you’re too busy to reply or because you haven’t seen the message yet. Sometimes, you take your time responding to others’ texts because you don’t want to seem too eager or too much by shooting back a response quickly. You think that by coming across as “chill” and maybe even a little bit detached, people will be more likely to stick around because you will be more palatable.

2. You constantly try and put a positive spin on your issues.

It doesn’t matter how grueling a personal situation may be, you will always, always, always try and find the silver lining when discussing it. You do this because admitting how much you’re hurting would be too needy, too much, too burdensome to someone else. And who wouldn’t want to leave someone like that?

3. You never ask for anyone’s help (even if you seriously need it).

You never want to bug someone else with pretty much anything you need, even if you seriously could use a hand. Your motto is, “I can just do it myself.” The real reason you do this, though, is that you never want to be dependent on another person. It scares you too much. Because what if they leave? What would you do then?

4. You can be overly forgiving.

You never want to come across as combative or difficult, even if you’ve been wronged or deeply hurt by someone. Rather than stick up for yourself and enforce some much-needed boundaries, you forgive others’ transgressions pretty much immediately and let most things slide.

5. You apologize when you’re the one who is actually owed the apology.

Finally, when you do happen to have some sort of conflict with someone else where you were the one who was clearly wronged, somehow you always end up trying to make amends first and do so by apologizing despite the fact you are the one who is actually owed the apology. While you may think that this makes you easier to get along with, it ultimately just leaves you hurt, disrespected, and resentful. It also keeps you in relationships that maybe you shouldn’t be taking part in anymore. But because you’re so afraid of losing someone, you stay but end up losing yourself in the process.

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It’s scary to think about being abandoned. But the right people always stay. Please know it’s okay to have needs. It’s okay to depend on others. It’s okay to trust. It’s going to be okay.