One after another, you seem to find yourself with toxic partners who treat you terribly. While you definitely don’t deserve these terrible people, you might be exhibiting behaviors that lead you to them, and vice versa. When you start making yourself a priority, you’ll find that the toxic relationships fall away. In the meantime, here are the things you’re doing that keep you stuck in toxic relationships. It’s time to learn and grow and change.
Relying on others to boost your self-esteem.
Your self esteem waxes and wanes like the phases of the moon, and it’s entirely based on how others treat you. When your confidence isn’t rooted in your own feelings for yourself, a toxic partner can use that to their advantage, manipulating you by talking sweetly or pulling you apart–and you’ll be along for the ride.
Giving unlimited second chances.
You say, “next time,” yet both of you know there will never be a next time that involves you breaking up with them. You’ll put up with anything. So your partner will continue to treat you terribly because they know there are no consequences. If you break the cycle, you can finally get away.
Letting any amount of “good” outweigh the bad.
“Well, they aren’t all bad,” you’ll tell yourself as you sweep up the broken glass. After all, they bought you flowers that time. And they’re really nice to your mom. Don’t wait for someone to be 100% evil to leave them. Even a little bit of badness is enough to say goodbye.
Listening to the rebellious voice in your head.
Even when you know your relationship is toxic, there’s a part of you that holds on even tighter when people in your life bring it up. Maybe your mom takes you aside and asks you if your partner is really right for you, and that just puts off the inevitable breakup. You don’t want to prove the naysayers right.
Thinking that you can change them.
People don’t change–at least not when the sole motivation is from the desires of their partner. If they don’t want to change, they never will. Don’t stay in a bad relationship just because you hold out hope that it could get better. If it’s not good now, it never will be.
Worrying that leaving the relationship would be a “failure.”
You’ve already put so many years into this relationship, you worry how it will look if you “give up.” Don’t get stuck in the sunk-cost fallacy. The best time to leave is now.