6 Concrete Signs He’s Emotionally Unavailable (And You Need To Move On)

Emotional unavailability is when someone is deeply uncomfortable with the expression, sharing, and and feeling of emotions. And because they are unavailable emotionally, this means they are unable to show up fully in a relationship as well.

Here are six concrete signs he’s emotionally unavailable (and you need to move on).

1. He sends mixed signals.

A major way emotional unavailability presents is in the form of mixed signals. Mixed signals are defined by inconsistency in communication, attention, affection, and more. Basically, you never know what version of him you’re going to get on a given day. And, to be honest, you’re uncertain about where you stand with him on a daily basis either. Will he text you back today? Or will he be MIA? Who knows.

The truth of the matter is that indecision is a decision. And if we strip away the excuses, mixed signals are actually pretty damn transparent: he isn’t interested in being with you (at least in a real and committed way).

2. You are constantly needing to rationalize his distance.

Even if he doesn’t bother to make the excuses for himself, that’s okay because you’ll simply fill in the gaps for him.

You reason that work has been stressful for him or that you’re both busy so it’s totally okay that he cancelled again at the very last minute. You may even try and convince yourself that you’re okay with his bare minimum effort because, hey, at least you’re not alone. At least it’s something, right?

(Hint: The bare minimum is never enough, but that’s a conversation for another time.)

3. He doesn’t try and bridge emotional intimacy.

In fact, if you’re really being honest with yourself, the time you feel closest and most connected is only when you’re having sex or being physical. Other than that, he never opens up to you in a vulnerable way. And when you need emotional support, he’s nowhere to be found.

4. Everything is on his terms, and his terms only.

Basically, your relationship is treated as a convenience. He only sees you when he can benefit in some way. He only texts you back when feels like it. And if you ever dare ask for more from him, he’ll make you feel as though you’re asking for too much or being needy.

5. He doesn’t talk about the future. Like, at all.

Especially when it comes to one another.

6. He is wishy-washy or downright avoidant about commitment.

Finally, if he won’t commit to you and insists that you both “go with the flow” to see what happens, this is someone who is definitely emotionally unavailable and not ready for a serious relationship.

Accepting emotional unavailability in someone we’re interested in is how so many of us end up in situationships. A healthy relationship requires openness, honesty, vulnerability, and commitment from both parties in order to work.

If you’re seeing someone who is emotionally unavailable, let them go. Find someone ready to love you instead.