6 Concrete Signs It’s Not You, It’s His Avoidant Attachment Style
When you’re in an insecure relationship, it can be so easy to assume that you’re the problem. Maybe you said something or did something that made them pull away from you? While we sometimes are the creators of our own demise, that’s not always the reason why you’re feeling anxious in a relationship. You could be dating someone with an avoidant attachment style.
People with an avoidant attachment style get spooked easily. Because of their chaotic upbringing, they feel like people can’t be relied on. If they start to sense someone getting “too attached,” they pull away. It can be nearly impossible to get close to someone like this. So, is it you, or is the relationship instability because of his avoidant attachment? Read on for concrete ways you can tell.
You just can’t get comfortable.
In other relationships, you’ve hit that sweet spot where you feel comfortable with sharing your feelings, getting closer, showing how much you care. And yet, this time around you just can’t get comfortable. Your subconscious might be telling you that he’s easily spooked.
You don’t feel any closer as time has gone on.
Normally as a bond forms in a romantic relationship, you grow closer. Each passing week or month, you get more and more ingrained in each other’s lives. Not this time! When you’re dating someone who’s avoidant, he’ll do anything not to let you get too close.
He’ll do anything not to define the relationship.
There are no “define the relationship” conversations with a guy who’s avoidant. If you try, you’ll quickly learn that you two won’t be on the same page. He doesn’t want to name what you are because that would be “too much.”
When you’re in a group, he treats you like everyone else.
You might get a lovey-dovey side to him when you’re alone, but all of that goes away once you’re anywhere near his friends. Suddenly he just treats you like “one of the guys.” And if you try to get close? He’ll pull away immediately.
It feels like everything you do annoys him.
You try to be cute and he scoffs. You say literally anything and he rolls his eyes. Remember that you put up with behavior that you think you deserve. Do you deserve someone who seems annoyed at your very existence? No, babe.
He’s slowly starting to ghost you.
Most relationships with someone who’s avoidant don’t last very long. As you get more attached, they pull farther and farther away. It all culminates in an epic ghosting, though they’ll usually start slow. He might text you less. You might find that you’re the only one suggesting and planning dates. Before long, he stops contacting you entirely, merely another ghost in your roster of exes.