6 Concrete Signs You’re Being Gaslit (And Need To Get Out Now) 

One of the most harmful and disorienting of these encounters is gaslighting—a psychological manipulation tactic that threatens to distort your reality. Within the murky domain of gaslighting, the borders between truth and fiction become indistinct, supplanted by a narrative that is decidedly not your own.

You Doubt Your Perceptions and Memories

One of the first signs that you’re being gaslit is an unsettling feeling of mistrust in your own perceptions and memories. Your partner may contest or dismiss your recollection of events, nudging you to question your understanding of reality. “We never had that conversation,” they might say, or, “You’re just misremembering things again.” As time passes, you may find yourself embroiled in a cognitive quagmire, constantly second-guessing your memory and doubting your own sanity.

You’re Always the “Problem”

In a gaslighting relationship, the scales of blame are disproportionately tipped towards you. You’re painted as the perennial problem, the one who’s always at fault. No matter how trivial or unrelated the issue, the finger of blame always swings your way. “If only you hadn’t been so dramatic,” they might insist, absolving themselves of accountability. This steady, damaging drip of blame can erode your self-confidence, leading you to internalize their critique and view yourself as the problem.

Your Feelings are Consistently Invalidated

Emotional validation is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, but a gaslighter consistently dismisses or trivializes your feelings. Your emotional responses are labelled as ‘overreactions’ or ‘hysteria’. They subtly imply that your feelings are unwarranted or irrational. “You’re just being too sensitive,” they may insist, creating an environment where your emotions are a source of shame or guilt, rather than a shared human experience to be validated and respected.

They Use “Love” as a Manipulative Tool

In the twisted game of gaslighting, expressions of love are often used as manipulative tools. The gaslighter showers you with affection when you align with their narrative and withdraws it when you challenge their reality. “I only do this because I love you,” they might say, intertwining their manipulation with a supposed display of love. This erratic emotional landscape can leave you confused, torn between the dual extremes of affection and denigration.

You Feel Isolated and Dependent

A gaslighter will often use isolation as a tactic, systematically severing your connections with friends, family, and support networks. They will position themselves as your only reliable ally, fostering a dependency that solidifies their control. “Your friends don’t understand our love,” they might claim, turning you against those who could offer an external perspective on your reality.

You’ve Lost Your Sense of Self

Perhaps the most profound sign of gaslighting is a loss of self. As your experiences and emotions are persistently invalidated, you may begin to lose touch with your identity. You may find yourself morphing into a character in the gaslighters narrative, an echo of your true self. “You’ve changed so much,” they may comment, hinting at the transformation they’ve skillfully orchestrated.