7 Concrete Signs Your Partner Isn’t Giving You What You Need (And Deserve)

Sometimes we wear rose-colored glasses in our relationships. We don’t acknowledge the red flags and patterns. We are blinded to the reality: Maybe my partner isn’t giving me what I need.

It’s important to recognize when your partner isn’t meeting your needs in a relationship. Here are some concrete signs that might indicate your partner isn’t giving you what you need — and deserve:

Lack of communication.

Communication in a relationship is the absolute bare minimum. Your partner should be open to having deep or hard conversations with you. They should want to talk about the future, personal goals, or issues in the relationship. They should listen to you and show empathy and compassion.

If your partner isn’t doing any of these things and you’ve expressed your concerns to them about it and they still haven’t changed, there’s a good chance they’re going to continue this. You don’t deserve that.

Emotional distance.

It’s normal for people to have a hard time talking about their feelings. It can be uncomfortable, being vulnerable. Having an avoidant attachment style is common, but not necessarily healthy.

Emotional intimacy is a crucial aspect of any relationship. How are you supposed to develop a meaningful connection and work towards the future when you have a partner who is emotionally distant, unresponsive to your emotional cues or seems disinterested in your feelings?

Neglecting your needs.

It’s common for people in relationships to put their partner’s needs before their own. That is self-abandonment disguised as “nurturing” and “selfless.” (This is why so many women feel as if they are dating a man-child…) It’s also common for people in relationships to be in denial that their needs aren’t being met.

Your partner should be attentive to your physical and emotional needs. Your partner should consider your feelings and your goals. Your partner should respect your interests, desires, and basic needs. If you tell your partner you’d like something and they simply don’t do it, they are not seeing you as a priority and ultimately, neglecting you.

Lack of effort and appreciation.

A relationship is a two-way street. You should not be doing all the work: compromising, making sacrifices, putting in effort. If that is the case, you are being taken for granted.

Your partner shouldn’t assume you’ll always be there for them or that you’ll do things for them and you’ll never expect anything in return. Your partner shouldn’t do things for you half-assed.

Your partner should value you and the company you keep. They should be appreciative of the things you do for them and should be putting an effort into doing things for you.

This isn’t to say that the relationship is transactional — I do something for you, you do something for me. The relationship should be equal in effort. The lack of trying and the lack of gratitude can be disheartening. Your partner should value you. Your partner should be appreciative of you and the effort you put into the relationship and should be making an effort in return.

Lack of trust.

Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

If you have a gut feeling that something isn’t right or that your partner might not be trustworthy, listen to that feeling. You don’t need to be in a relationship with someone who is breaking your trust or being secretive. You don’t need to be in a relationship with someone who is creating doubt and anxiety. You need someone who you can count on, who you have faith in.

Lack of support or interest in your life.

To put it plainly: you deserve someone who gives a shit about you.

You deserve someone who expresses interest in your interests, hobbies, and life outside of the relationship. You deserve someone who is supportive and curious. You deserve someone who wants the best for you, cheering you on while you go after your goals.

Constant conflict.

Conflict in a relationship is normal. No relationship is perfect — there’s always going to be a disagreement of some kind. However, constant arguing, unresolved issues, and a hostile environment are not normal.

If your partner is ignoring conflict or resistant to compromise, it’s a good sign that they’re bad at communication, emotionally detached, and probably uninterested in meeting or understanding your emotional needs.

Emotional or physical abuse.

Any form of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse is a clear sign that your partner does not value you or your well-being. They simply do not respect you as a human being. You should not be in a relationship with someone who mocks you, belittles or criticizes you, compares you to others, ignores your boundaries, disregards your feelings, or physically hurts you. If this is the case for you, it’s important to seek help and prioritize your safety.

If you recognize any of these signs, have an open and honest conversation with them about your needs and concerns. If they are unable or unwilling to make changes in the relationship, let them go. You deserve someone who is going to give you all the love, support, affection, communication, and kindness that you deserve. Don’t settle for anything less.

And most importantly, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for accepting any less than you deserved. Forgive yourself for not acknowledging the signs sooner — and be grateful that you did now. Be kinder to yourself. Self-forgiveness is a long, treacherous journey, but an important one at that.