8 Red Flags Only Highly Observant People Notice On First Dates

Some dating red flags are so well-known at this point that they’re impossible not to notice. If your date shows up an hour late, you’re likely not to be down for a second date (if you’re even still there for the first, which is doubtful). But some red flags are more subtle and go easily under the radar. If you’re highly observant, you might notice these little red flags on your next first date. If so, you’ll avoid unnecessary heartbreak by losing their number.

1. They won’t make eye contact with the server.

We all know by now that treating waitstaff like crap on a first date is cardinal sin number one, so many people have started tipping huge just to hide the fact that they’re trash. You can figure out if they still think they’re above the people serving them by watching their eyes. If they refuse to make eye contact with your server, that’s a big sign that your date thinks they’re beneath them.

2. They make plans for your next date without asking.

It might sound romantic and confident when someone assumes that you’ll want to go on a second date, but it instead shows a lack of care for your own desires and opinions. This kind of person cares more about appearances than actually dating you, specifically.

3. They’re getting way too personal.

First dates should be fun and light-hearted, not an excuse for your date to use you as their brand new therapist. If you’re getting uncomfortable with the amount they’re divulging, that’s your gut telling you that something’s off.

4. They’re looking for favors.

You’re just meeting for the first time and they’re already talking about the things you could do for them? That’s mighty presumptuous. This is a common one when someone is targeting a person who’s a bit of a push-over. If you’ve been taken advantage of in the past, keep an eye out for this subtle red flag.

5. They change the subject any time you talk about something you love.

It can be really difficult for selfish people to hide their ego completely on a date, though they’ll certainly try. They might show interest in you and ask questions, but if they’re getting bored and changing the subject any time the conversation is not on them, they’re showing their true colors.

6. They list their demands in a relationship.

This sounds like a good thing, right? They know what they want and they’re not afraid to ask for it. But this is the IRL equivalent of someone doing a “swipe left if” list on a dating app. They’re focusing so much on what they don’t want that they’re leading with a ton of negativity. It’s a weird approach to a first date. Plus “demands” just aren’t hot.

7. They’re a classic fence-sitter on your deal-breakers.

You have a couple of deal-breakers when it comes to dating. Let’s say you mention you want kids. Rather than giving you an answer, they say, “I haven’t decided on that yet.” It’s not a good sign. They either don’t care because this is just a hookup to them, or they do care and figure you’ll change your mind with time. It’s better to consider fence-sitters as disagreeing with your deal-breaker so you save yourself some heartbreak later on.

8. They say, “Well, I’ll change that.”

You mention that you don’t like anime or that you’re not really into backpacking. They smile and say, “Well, I’ll change that.” It sounds like friendly banter. Maybe a bit of light teasing. But is it really as innocuous as it sounds? This is a red flag that your date doesn’t take your interests–or lack thereof–seriously. They don’t want to date who you actually are, and instead want to mold you into the idea of their perfect partner. Yikes.