8 Things Toxic Parents Say To Their Children And What They Really Mean
Having narcissistic and toxic parents can do a lot of damage to you, your mental health, and your emotional well-being. Their negativity, insensitivity, and apathy towards you can feel soul-crushing. When you think about all the horrible things narcissistic mothers say to their children, and even narcissistic fathers, it makes your blood boil, doesn’t it?
They love the idea of hurting you, putting you down, and making you feel as if you will never be good enough. This gradually destroys your self-esteem, and after a point, you internalize their words and end up believing them.
Read on to know some of the most horrible things toxic and narcissistic parents say to their children.
1. “You are so fat/short/ugly/thin/disgusting.”
Making insensitive comments about your physical appearance is not just disgusting, it can leave a lasting impact on you, and this is something that you carry with you even when you are an adult.
This is one of the biggest factors behind self-esteem issues in children and even adults. You grow up to be insecure, under-confident, and always think that you’re unattractive and ugly. Such a thing can even lead to some people suffering from depression, eating disorders, relationship problems, and commitment-phobia later on in their lives.
2. “You are so oversensitive.”
They spew this statement when you try to hold them accountable for the pathetic things they say to you. As long as you stay quiet and endure everything, it’s fine for them. The moment you lash out and confront them, they term you as oversensitive.
Toxic parents are incapable of taking any sort of responsibility for their problematic behavior. Which is why they conveniently dump everything on you whenever you try to make them realize their mistakes.
3. “There’s no need to hide your journal/diary from me. I am your parent, and I have every right to read it!”
Everybody is entitled to their personal space and privacy, and your journal is one of your most treasured and personal possessions. Whether you want to share it with someone or not is completely your decision, and nobody has the right to force you to change that.
But that’s exactly what toxic and narcissistic parents do. They do not respect any of your boundaries and personal choices and expect you to do what they want you to do, simply because they are your parents. They try to pry and snoop around amongst your personal stuff hoping to get their hands on your diary.
4. “You should be more like your sister/brother.”
Comparing you with your siblings in order to insult you and put you down is so damaging. Everyone has unique qualities, and that is what makes everyone different and beautiful in their own way.
But when parents compare their children, they knowingly or unknowingly pit them against each other and give rise to a toxic form of sibling rivalry. This doesn’t just put a dent in your self-esteem, it also greatly damages the relationship you have with your sibling.
5. “I wish I had an abortion.”
This is probably the most horrifying and disgusting thing a parent can say to their children, and unfortunately, lots of parents do. A horrible statement like this doesn’t just shake your belief in your parents, it also makes you question your existence and place in the world.
You start believing that you’re a burden and a waste of space and you shouldn’t be here. This kind of behavior can even lead to the development of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and suicidal tendencies.
6. “You are worthless and a loser!”
Good parents always motivate and encourage their children, and what do toxic parents do? The exact opposite! They will be overly critical, narcissistic, and will never leave an opportunity to put you down. Whenever you refuse to do their bidding, they will call you names and keep on abusing you.
The hatred and vitriol keep on coming, and they revel in it. They do this, because deep, down inside they hate themselves and have a hard time dealing with their own insecurities. So in order to feel better about themselves for two seconds, they humiliate you by calling you things like worthless, useless, and a loser.
7. “Why can’t you take a joke? I was just kidding!”
This is one of their favorite things to say. Whenever they’re called out on their problematic behavior, they quickly get defensive and pretend that what they said was nothing but a joke. They hide under the guise of humor and say all sorts of hurtful and painful things.
They mock you, ridicule you, and make you the butt of jokes, and if you react, they give it the name of sense of humor. Toxic parents know exactly what they are doing but always pretend otherwise.
8. “I am your mother/father. I know what’s best for you.”
They are your parents, so they must be knowing what’s best for you more than you do. Right? Wrong! It’s your life, and you get to make the decisions, not them. When your parents try to impose their choices and unfulfilled dreams on you, that’s a huge red flag.
And not just this, they also use this as an opportunity to treat you cruelly and in any way they want. For example, they might verbally abuse you all the time in the name of ‘tough love’. Or they might even raise their hands on you because they want to make you ‘stronger and more resilient.’
Parents are supposed to love their children, care for them, and hold their hands whenever things get tough. But toxic parents don’t understand any of these things because they see their children as a burden on them.
The only way they feel better about themselves and deal with the bitterness and unhappiness in their hearts is by tormenting their children. And if that’s not sad, I don’t know what is.