9 Bare Minimum Boundaries Every Healthy Relationship Needs
Don’t get caught up in the romanticism of “we don’t need boundaries.” That’s a fairytale–and a bad one at that. The best relationships have boundaries that serve both people. But what boundaries should you have? Read on for the absolute bare minimum boundaries that all healthy relationships need.
1. Privacy
This could mean being able to spend time in the bathroom alone, with the door shut. It could mean the confidence of leaving your phone unattended without worrying that your partner will look through it. Just because you’re in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you should be sharing 100% of yourself. And, in order to have good privacy, you also need…
2. Trust
It’s not only reasonable but necessary to feel trust from your partner. Worrying that they might get suspicious if you answer a few texts from friends is neither normal nor okay. Establish trust in your relationship early on by voicing how important it is for you to feel trusted and respected. A good partner will listen and want the same thing. And giving them full access to all your electronic devices isn’t the way to establish trust.
3. Time Apart
Whether it’s a girl’s night at the movies or just some time in another room of the house to read a book, having alone time is crucial. A healthy relationship doesn’t need 24/7 contact. You can still have an amazing love story if you have moments when you aren’t together. In fact, that’s necessary. According to Psychology Today, it’s detrimental for someone to have constant access to you. Despite being “together,” that doesn’t mean together every second of the day.
4. Mature Communication
Every couple fights, even in a healthy relationship. But the difference is the way you communicate when you’re having that fight. No silent treatment, no yelling. No purposefully hurting each other’s feelings. And if you can’t adequately voice how you’re feeling in the moment, a healthy couple will recognize that and be okay with taking an hour to cool off first.
5. Enthusiastic Consent
Just because you’re in a relationship, that doesn’t mean your partner has 100% access to you. Consent is not only required for physical contact, but it should be enthusiastic. And doesn’t that sound better than someone sighing before relenting and going along with it when you try to initiate a sexual moment? It’s enthusiastic consent, or it’s nothing.
6. Showing Gratitude
It’s easy for relationships to fall into routines and ruts. It’s those ruts that can sometimes make one or both partners feel like they aren’t being appreciated for the things they do. Set a boundary that you each communicate and show appreciation when the other does something nice. That mutual gratitude goes a long way in making this a long-lasting and healthy relationship.
7. Respecting Autonomy
Sure, a relationship is a partnership, but that doesn’t mean you should only ever be seen as one cohesive unit. Set the boundary that you stay as individuals. You have your own interests, your own hobbies, your own friends, your own free time–in addition to all the things you do together. This goes a long way to preventing codependency.
8. Financial Independence and Partnership
In a healthy relationship, you’ll have control over your own funds. Conversely, if you live together and share expenses, discussing big purchases is also a must. It’s a fine line that can make or break a relationship. But having the bare minimum boundary that you are the master of your own finances while keeping the other in mind will help keep you both happy and honest. Never accept your partner telling you what you can do with your own money or taking control of your accounts. Control over finances is a slippery slope to financial abuse. Click here to learn more about financial abuse from the National Network to End Domestic Violence.
9. A Feeling of Safety
At the bare minimum, you should feel safe in your relationship. It’s unhealthy to be walking on eggshells around your partner or being afraid that you could say the wrong thing at any moment. If your partner crosses a boundary in such a way that makes you feel unsafe, this isn’t a healthy relationship. Realize that you deserve more than this.