9 Normal Things That Don’t Have To Be Relationship Red Flags, According To A Therapist
We’re always talking about red flags–the little or not so little clues that someone might be a terrible partner. But some things may not be the red flags that you suspect they are. Or they only become deal breakers in extreme circumstances. Luckily, we have a therapist on TikTok to tell us the 9 totally normal things that don’t have to be red flags.
Above, TikTok therapist @therapyjeff boils down some behaviors that aren’t necessarily red flags. He’s an actual therapist who just so happens to have over two million followers and 35 million likes on TikTok. Here’s what he says:
1. Holding a special place in your heart for an ex.
Some relationships are just special. And even if they ended, that doesn’t mean you don’t hold a special place for that ex. Sure, there are ways that this can be a red flag. But if nothing suspicious is going on and there doesn’t seem to be an over-attachment, this is a good sign.
2. Being attracted to someone outside your relationship.
It’s unrealistic to expect someone to stop being attracted to everyone else in the world when they’re in a relationship. Attraction can’t be helped or avoided. Hot people continue to exist even when you’re with a partner. It only becomes a red flag (or a massive deal breaker), if the person acts on the attraction.
3. Doubting the relationship every now and then.
It’s normal to have doubts. Relationships ebb and flow just like everything else in the world. It’s not going to be sunshine and roses 24/7. Just because doubt might creep in now and then, that’s not an automatic sign to break things off.
4. Fighting about the same things over and over again.
It might feel like a death knell if you seem to have the same fights. Despite it being annoying, Therapy Jeff says this is totally normal. All long term relationships have something they fight about on the regular. It’s just a matter of how big the fights get and if it’s about something serious. Fighting about watching TV shows without you is different than fighting about recurring cheating or a lack of respect.
5. Sleeping in different rooms.
For some couples, this is a must. Maybe one has a snoring problem or the other is an incredibly light sleeper. Sleeping in separate beds doesn’t negate how amazing a relationship is when you’re awake.
6. Wanting to go on vacation without your partner.
Everyone needs space, even in amazing relationships. It’s actually healthy to do things without your partner and it helps prevent codependency. So go on those girls’ trips or solo vacations knowing that it isn’t an automatic red flag.
7. Going to relationship therapy.
Some people think that couples’ therapy is just delaying the inevitable, but that’s not always true. Using therapy, especially starting it earlier in the relationship, is a great way to get through bumps in the road with the help of a professional. Therapy isn’t a bad thing.
8. Having mismatched libidos.
It’s very rare–or maybe even impossible–to find a partner with the exact libido as you. In real life, you won’t always be on the same wavelength for when you’re in the mood. Subtle variation is common, and that’s okay. It’s only a huge discrepancy in libidos that could be a deal breaker.
9. Not being transparent about every little thing.
Open communication is one thing, but you don’t have to tell your partner every little thing. Obviously keeping relationship-breaking secrets is a massive red flag, but over-communication can also be harmful. You should feel safe and trusted in a relationship. If your partner demands knowing absolutely everything you do, that’s just as much of a red flag, too.