The 18 Dumbest Things Exes Have Said To Win Back Their Partners

Your ex is your ex for a reason. They belong in your past. But the following people clearly didn’t get that memo. Here’s what they said in order to win their exes back:

“I would have treated you better, except I thought you’d never leave me!” — InvincibleSummer1066

“I once dated this guy who literally carved my name into his hand. He said he did it because he couldn’t afford a tattoo. And when I broke up with him for it he said, ‘But, your name is carved into my hand!’ I’m not sure if that was suppose to make me stay, or if he at that moment, realized how stupid he was.” — woody527

“He didn’t cum so it wasn’t cheating! This was said after catching her fucking another guy in my bed.” — PrepaidDwarf

“A month after we had broken up, I started dating a new guy. My ex told me that he would cut his hair to look like the new guy, dress like the new guy, and act exactly like the new guy if I got back with him.” — [deleted]

“I didn’t love you then, but I love you now! Bitch, you cheated on me two days ago.” — stonedkayaker

“Had an ex tell me that if I did not take her back she would sue me. Long story short I’m now a proud owner of a victory in court.” — SrCrossCountry

“Ok I know it was bad to dump you while you were in intensive care, but you were really bumming me out. You’re a lot better now, though, so it’s all good.” — GraphicDesignMonkey

“I would have married you, you know, if we had stayed together. Wow, so you mean we could have been in this hideous co-dependent sham of a relationship forever??” — underwritress

“I’m the only one that wants you.” — IcemanofEA

“He broke up with me by sort-of ghosting me after two years together. He wouldn’t show up when we had plans, then text me later and apologize and say sweet things, but go on to ignore my calls for a week. He set his status to single on Facebook so I figured it was done and deleted him. Almost a year later he sent me a text saying he was sorry, that he was willing to talk and answer any questions I had, and that he regretted what he did because I was the second best girlfriend he’d ever had. I shit you not. I told him I didn’t need his answers and didn’t want to be his friend. He never bothered me after that.” — bringmethebatman

“My phone rings. Hey just wanted to let you know that I’m getting married this afternoon and I’m pregnant so now is your last chance…”” — KylerTopFlight

“Finally broke up with him after three years. His big gesture to get me back (an e-mail about how he couldn’t live without me) ended as follows: I get now that you’re not a whore. That’s why I treated you the way I did. I thought you were a whore, but now I see you’re not. Wow… Be still my beating heart!” — JBTBE

“If we break up, it’s just a matter of time before you ask for your laptop back and I use it for school so I’m going to have to drop out and my kids are going to be raised in poverty. Do you really want that on your conscience!?” — HotWheels17

“I’m just kidding. We are not really broken up. Me: wtf no sorry that’s not how this works.” — istandforgnodab

“I know it’s been like a year, but I’ve asked out 4 other girls and they’ve all said no. So I thought I’d try again with you.” — iwasbornon420

“My new girlfriend is terrible. . . I miss you a lot. Like I sometimes regret leaving you. You are so much better than her. Just so you know, I’m going to dump her soon. After we go on vacation, because I’m using her miles to buy my ticket. Like. . . Uh there are so many things wrong with that. And the vacation was two months away. I told him he had ‘made decisions’ so I didn’t feel bad for the fact he ‘missed’ me and never spoke to him again.” — devoricpiano

“She cheated. I said so long, get out of my house. She did, moved in with this guy. She showed up a few weeks later with her cat and some belongings and said she made a mistake, wants me back because she needs me to take care of her. Sorry, what? You’re trying to move in while cheating on me and simultaneously asking me to pamper you?” — keepitdownoptimist

“I just don’t think either of us have the right mental state to date other people right now. Come home please. Bring McDonalds.” — zebra_butts