It’s Strangely Freeing To Realize That He Doesn’t Give A Damn About You

You’re wondering, “How do I let go?” You’ve spent months, even years, trying to release yourself from the bond you have with your partner, hoping they would love you the right way. You hold on to memories. You savor the good times, reminiscing while completely ignoring the nights you’ve spent crying, begging to be seen, and justifying his inconsistencies.

You plead with him to change, which does not work. Begging someone to love you won’t give them motivation to suddenly treat you better. He must change of his own accord. Manipulating him with the fear of losing you and thirst trapping him into seeing your worth is only a temporary fix. He must recognize your worth when you are simply you—no acting, no masterminding, no coercing.  

I know you’re tired of listening to him tell you lie after lie. He has no desire to get to know you more profoundly. You might as well be an item on his to-do list. He doesn’t ask about your dreams. He doesn’t seek to create a future together. You’re an object he sees in his mind. 

You wonder, how can someone say so earnestly that they love you yet treat you like complete shit? Yet you stay. It’s partly because you’re in disbelief. You think maybe you’ve got the scenario all wrong or you’re overthinking his intentions. But after seeing the same behavior on repeat, you realize there’s no mistake.

You look at his face and your belly flops. For the first time, you realize that he doesn’t give a damn about you. You’re caught between a hysterical laugh and profound sadness. You’ve been living a lie, and you feel a little silly because he’s shown you all along that he doesn’t care. You just weren’t listening. You were hoping for something more. Apart from the hurt, you feel a sense of relief.

You no longer have to wonder if things will change. You don’t have to make predictions about your future. You don’t have to put your life on hold. You’re free knowing he doesn’t give a damn about you.

You know you’re going to leave, you just don’t know how or when. You’re still working up the courage; of course, you still have love for him in your heart. Your love is now mingled with disappointment and indifference. Your fuel for leaving is seeing him treat you like less than you deserve each day. 

Of course, he can tell you’re starting to pull away, so he shows a little more interest. He asks a few more questions, but it’s too late. You’ve played this game one too many times. It’s strangely freeing when you realize that he doesn’t give a damn about you. Isn’t it? You don’t have to guess. You don’t have to fight. You no longer have to beg or ask for his love and affection.

You start to love yourself by recognizing that you deserve more. Someone is waiting for you on the other side. You won’t have to beg to be seen. You won’t have to prove your worth because you are already worthy as you are. I know it might not seem like it, but you’ve just found freedom.