Conversation Mistakes You Keep Making (According To People With Good Social Skills)

“Misunderstanding the purpose of ‘small talk.’ I have friends with poor social skills who say they ‘hate’ small talk, and find it pointless. I suspect some even consider themselves superior to people who engage in ‘pointless chatter’. They misunderstand the point of small talk is not explicitly in what is discussed, but in the subtext. The subtext of nearly all small talk between strangers is essentially: ‘Hey person who is externally different than me: we are fundamentally the same! We are both people that experience life in the same ways. You’re one way, I’m a different way; but there’s many ways in which we experience life that are similar.’ ‘Some weather we’re having.’ ‘Yeah, boy, it sure got cold quick.‘ This is not an exchange of information about the weather; it is two humans drawing closer by emphasizing that both of their lives are impacted simultaneously by forces outside their control, and secondarily that they live in the same geographical area.” — Prince_Jellyfish

“Don’t barrel ahead into a conversation with non-stop talking. Conversations should be like waitressing: you should be checking up on the person you’re talking to to gauge their interest in the subject or whether they have somewhere else to be. If people are squirming, looking away, moving their feet into another direction, looking impatient: stop and check in. ‘What do you think?’ ‘Right?’ ‘How about you?’ ‘What about your X?'” — Sloane__Peterson

“Answering questions asked of others. By this I mean, people often ask questions of someone for reasons other than simply learning the answer. For example, one may ask a question to bring someone into the conversation, or to allow that person to speak from a position of knowledge and authority and thus create a basis for a positive relationship, etc… People with poor social skills sometimes think that the purpose of all questions is to learn the answers to those questions, to exchange information. So, they may interject in order to provide the answer more quickly or (in their minds) more concisely or completely. If you do this, you come off looking like an ass, not looking smart, as you may think.” — realstoned

“Not having empathy. The most common mistake people make is that they do not consider the perspective of the other person. Not noticing body language, overestimating the importance of small mistakes, bringing in insecurities, only talking about yourself, etc. All those can be solved by being more thoughtful about the interaction from the other person’s perspective (and less wrapped up in your own head about yours). How can you make the other person ‘feel good’ by interacting with you? Make that the goal and everything will make more sense.” — evanh

“Bringing your insecurities to a completely new situation where nothing has really happened to warrant them. This usually turns the other person off or at the very least treat you like an insecure person for no reason other than the fact you’re acting like one.” — [deleted]

“A conversation is not a competition. Quizzing people, correcting people, trying to one-up people… don’t do that shit. “ — ArtSchnurple

“Zero humor. Sure, some things are serious and humor would be in bad taste, but in normal conversation, if a laugh can be shared, it’s a positive experience.” — Stabfacenotback

“Actually thinking about others. Conversation should mean more than ‘waiting for your turn to talk.’ If you’re listening to a story, interact. Ask follow-up questions and riff on the interesting parts.” — 0149