I Have This Inexplicable Nostalgia For You

I reminisce about the memories we once shared and the fun times we had together. I remember all the laughter, the tears, and even the pain. I remember being on the top of the world and feeling like it doesn’t get any better than this to also feeling the lowest of lows. And honestly, at this point, I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

Being with you filled me with immense joy, a now unattainable teenage love. Being with you felt like freedom with no boundaries or destination in mind. It was the soft soothing sound of rain on Sunday mornings to the beach waves rolling into the shore. I can only describe our love in metaphors; it was art in and of itself.

I don’t miss you, I’m over you. But I can’t escape this feeling of nostalgic longing for what once was. I’m currently happy where I am, and with myself in my new found “new life,” but there were happier times and happier moments with you. They’re all lost and forgotten memories now, except there’s still traces of it imprinted in my brain.

I want to reach out at night and find your arms but I desperately cling onto bed sheets instead. I want to grab onto the last hope we had of us being together, of us safely lying in each other’s arms. I wanted for us to last until the end, but sometimes we have to say goodbye to our happy endings. I know I did.

I know you’re still out there. I know you’re thriving like you always have been. I know you’re loved and you’re adored by many, but you still face so much pain and I’m not the person to hold you close and tell you everything’s going to be okay. And someday, just someday, maybe I’ll make peace with my decision to leave.