5 Concrete Signs You’re Staying Out Of Obligation, Not Love

You are never stuck in your relationship. If you want to leave, you’re allowed to leave. In fact, you owe it to your partner to walk away if you’ve been unhappy because you both deserve a partner who loves you fully and actually wants to be there. Here are a few concrete signs you’ve been staying out of obligation, not love:

You feel guilty about leaving because you promised them forever.

Although it’s important to keep most of your promises, you’re allowed to change as you grow older. Your dreams are going to look different over time — and that’s okay. If you feel like this person no longer fits in your world, you’re allowed to leave. It will be painful and that guilt might linger on, but feeling bad isn’t a reason to stay. No one wants a relationship built on pity.

You feel like you need to repay them for all the kind things they’ve done for you.

You don’t owe your partner your time, your attention, or your heart simply because they have done sweet things for you in the past. Even though you might be incredibly grateful for how much they’ve supported you and loved you, you don’t want to stay with them because you feel like you aren’t “allowed” to leave. There’s always a choice.

You don’t want to disappoint the people around you, whether that’s your children or your parents.

You can’t stay in a relationship in order to please other people. Your children are better off with parents who are happy, and your parents will be more proud of you for choosing the right decision, not the easy decision. Even if others don’t understand your choice at first, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make it. You have to do what is best for yourself. You have to be selfish when it comes to these big life decisions or you’re going to grow resentful and restless.

You feel like you have too much history to walk away.

You should love your partner for who they are today, not who they were X-amount of years ago when you first met. They are never going to be that person again. They have grown. They have changed. And so have you. If you don’t love the current versions of each other, then the relationship might have run its course. Remember, you can’t live in the past. You can’t reverse time. You can’t stay with someone because of your history when your present is making you both miserable.

You keep letting them talk you out of leaving.

You can’t let your person talk you out of leaving if that’s what you really want. Even though they might want you to stay, you can’t be in a relationship where only one person is invested. Where only one person wants to be there. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to them. You both deserve to be loved fully. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel wanted, valued, and respected.