You Deserve A Love That Heals You

I desire a love that tiptoes across the room when I am falling into the abyss of my dreams. I desire a love that can be quiet in the wake of the voices spewing their opinions. I desire a love that listens. I desire a love that is free of commotion, in which just holding each other’s gaze is enough, too.

I desire a love that doesn’t need to display public affection, but also a love that envelops me in the tightest of hugs, strong and all-consuming like an earthquake. I desire a love that holds me when I’m wallowing in the pain of the mistakes I’ve made. I desire a love that sets me free when I’m gaining momentum despite the fear that I might leave—a love willing to wait, wiping windows to see mirages of each other amid another sunset.

I desire a love that is free of judgment—a love that can accept that I can be wrong, over and over again, and still be worthy. Full of grace. I desire a love that speaks up when I’ve caused damage —a love that is willing to hear me out. And I desire a love that sets us free if the damage caused is irreparable. 

And because this kind of love I desire, I know it is also this kind of love I should exhibit towards others. That is often most difficult, to break the bonds within my own foundation to suture the bonds of others to smoothen out the gritty forest to expose their soul to the world and to accept their vulnerability, raw and real.

But I also believe the boomerang effect is real. To love is to be loved in return. I have been loved by many, most times unreciprocated. I have taken more than I should have from others. And I have also neglected to tell those people that I did, that I was sorry I wasn’t brave to love them earnestly and to leave them honestly.

But love grew me in the way she was both everything and nothing. She showed me its duality, its giving nature and its taking twin. She taught me about the kind of love that I desire and the kind love I know you also deserve. You deserve a love that’s true—one that doesn’t simply have desires. You deserve a love that heals you and that strips you open to relearn what it feels like to truly heal. I deserve that kind of love, too.