Let Your Heart Break—This Is When We Come Alive

I’m getting good at moving on
goodbyes in a bedroom of a boy that was not yet a man
I’ve been here before many times
encapsulated in the stale and unmoving of four walls
wavering in the silence as we prolong the inevitable
two hearts beating
that know leaving 
is the only option.

Quiet bedroom. Messy closet. Thrift store furniture. Gray sheets. 

A heart that was not ready
sunshine out the front door a little brighter than you feel ready for
are you strong enough?
are you brave enough?

I walked into work later that day
said goodbye to one of the kids on their last day there that touched my life forever
she called me Miss Tori every day
this time when she said goodbye
she looked at me and said “Goodbye, Tori”
two humans 
two hearts
to love and let go.

Quiet bedroom. Messy closet. Thrift store furniture. Gray sheets.

I walked out the door after work that night 
it was one degree and snowing
drove home, music playing
realized summer was inside of me all along.

I watch people around me
put rings on their fingers
wake eat work eat sleep
repeat
I float around
wander mountains
write poems
fall in love, break up, fall in love, break up
fall in love with the kids I work with
and the way the wind kisses my cheeks on winter mornings. 

I’m okay with this
actually
I wouldn’t have it any other way
I’ll keep breaking my heart a little each day.

I’ll break my heart in joy, I’ll break my heart in pain, I’ll break my heart in surrender
I’ll break my heart over morning coffee 
I’ll break my heart over the way the sun dips into the earth at night
I’ll break my heart over goodbye’s
I’ll break my heart over hello’s 
I’ll break my heart over quiet bedrooms, messy closets, thrift store furniture, and gray sheets.

Let your heart break, the world whispers
this
this is when we come alive.