Be The Person Who Finds Peace Among The Chaos

In the midst of the chaos called life, I feel a calming sense of peace. Perhaps it comes with the chronological years that warped by like the speed of light. Somewhere along the way, I found wisdom and a different lens to view the world—a self-reflective one.  

Before, I saw everything with a reactionary view and a passionate need to feel emotions, situations, and people in an immediate response. I am a empathetic person, but my immaturity to collect my thoughts and respond with respect for the circumstances was nonexistent. I only understood my point of view at that moment—my hurt, my anger, and my self-centered interpretation.

I suppose it is all relative to the time. I survived hard moments that have given me a spiritual awareness to want to be a better person, a beautiful soul, and a human being always willing to learn.

There is almost a feeling of being let out of an emotional jail, one that kept me a prisoner to people of the past, repetitive thoughts, and a self-loathing mentality that kept me too crippled to move forward.

I am much older now; I view time as escaping fast, and the need for me to jump on the merry-go-round is now. Unfortunately, I cannot rewind years and start over—I am blessed to understand that my scars have given me new life. Without them, I may still be harboring negative feelings towards people that need to stay as a memory.  

I have this moment in time to be happy, to shape my life any way I see fit because I finally woke up. I am not responsible for the negativity or traumatic events that have plagued my life. I can only take responsibility for my part in them, rise above, ask for forgiveness, and let go.  

I’ve found courageous confidence in myself to follow my passions and to detach from people I’ve loved that no longer belong in my life. I realize that holding on to what saddens me is my ego—maybe I am afraid to see that a more abundant existence is possible. In a sense, pain is safe, it is always there, and I can always count on it. I must have a deep unconscious fear for happiness or that I didn’t deserve to be happy.

Age has given me a gift, a blessing of time to be granted another day to cherish all the people that surround me with love and sculpt another outcome in this 3D world—a magnificent one!

I realize that my circumstances do not get to dictate who I am, will be, or want to be! The smile on my face is much bigger, the love in my heart is fuller, and the capacity to believe in myself is infinite. What do I have to lose? I will die—that is a fact. I want to feel rushes of excitement like electrical currents going through my body with the sheer exhilaration of the moment. Isn’t that what life is anyway? Moments that make us feel a particular way? Life is NEVER about the destination—that would be death. Life is about the middle, the journey—good and bad.

I wake up every morning with no anxiety because I choose to. I choose to accomplish goals in my life that will bring me joy, laughter, love, health, spiritual abundance, and opportunities to help others.

I’m not sure what happened. I don’t hate the man that walked away, the job I lost, the person that betrayed me, or the years of struggle. Something breathed life into my body with happiness to open that new door, but mostly to fall in love with myself. 

I am much older now, and I love it!