Be The Person You Needed When You Were Younger

Who were you before the world told you who you were supposed to be?

Sometimes people think that healing and being the best version of yourself means purchasing expensive treatments, getting a good-paying job, and reading self-help books. However, sometimes healing means looking back at the past versions of yourself and wondering: What did I need back then that I never got?

Sometimes your rage isn’t really rage, but it’s the insecurity you felt when you were 14. Sometimes your over-apologetic nature is your 10-year-old self who’s afraid of confrontation.

Every time a ‘negative’ emotion (I put negative in quotes because emotions like rage, sadness, and jealousy are emotions we must experience to have healthy emotional wellbeing) arises, sometimes these emotions are your wounded younger self yelling, “See me! Love me!” over and over again. Sometimes you need to turn to your younger self and tell them, “You’re safe. I see you. I hear you, and we will sit in this discomfort together.”

Sometimes your younger self wants to be held and cared for. Sometimes your younger self wants direction and guidance. Sometimes your younger self wants to be accepted and you need to be able to care for your needs and your past.

A few days ago, I was feeling really low. I hated it and I tried to resist the feeling of anxiety and shame, but because I tried to resist, it got worse. I remember saying, “Nobody likes me. Nobody cares for me,” and within that moment I almost cried because I heard 13-year-old me in my voice. I heard her asking for love and comfort and to not be disregarded. So I no longer resisted, and now I try to take care of all versions of myself, and I carry myself with me everywhere I go. I walk into stores and I grab something my 12-year-old self would’ve wanted, and I get something my 15-year-old self needed, and I give all versions of myself grace.

I used to always think that finding yourself is finding a super fantastic version of yourself that is always 100% effective, but as I grow older, I realize that finding yourself is finding who you were before the world got its hands on you. It’s finding who you were when you were vulnerable because it was all you knew. It’s finding the ‘you’ that wanted comfort and safety, and it’s taking care of all of them.

The best way to start finding yourself is by asking the question: Who were you before the world told you who you were supposed to be?