Divorce Isn’t The Easy Way Out

Whoever said divorce is the easy way out simply does not know the truth of it. The thought alone is heartbreaking long before the decision is made. When divorce is on the table, one’s mind and heart takes a toll. Consider looking at it this way: You’re burning the bridges of your life down while standing there trying to make the best of it all. In the aftermath of making a decision that you feel is best, you are left standing alone, picking up the pieces.

At least, this is how it was for me. I have read plenty of posts and articles suggesting that those who end their marriages are simply quitting too early. There are so many reasons to believe this is true.

I strongly advocate for couples who work together and make necessary repairs in their relationship. I also am a strong believer in the vows that were taken on my wedding day. But I believe there is always a point where enough is enough.

Call me a quitter and I won’t deny it. I quit a lot of things; I quit allowing myself to be lied to, and I quit allowing myself to accept less than what I was giving. I quit allowing myself to go on pretending all was well, when in reality, it was all just falling apart around us. For me, the decision was between staying in the marriage and trying to fix it on my own or leaving to start my life over from scratch. Both options were daunting. I chose the latter because, in my mind, there was no point staying in a marriage where I was the only one keeping my vows and the only one participating in repairing what we had.

The choice was devastating. Forcing yourself to quit something that continues to hurt you isn’t as easy as it seems. You’d think the emotions of it would be easily dismissed and simple to process. Instead, the process is gruesome and excruciating, like I’d imagine losing a limb might be. The phantom movements are real too. You have to learn how to be alone and unlearn what it’s like to live like a spouse.

The other half of you, no matter how toxic, is still gone. Strong bonds are formed for years and then abruptly torn apart. Not to mention all of the labors of love that went into the relationship. Everything you put into it is suddenly washed down the drain, highlighting all the time that was wasted. Years of life and effort are thrown away.

No, walking away isn’t easy at all. Trauma is suffered by the brain and by the heart. And without any hope at all for a brighter future, one must pick up what’s left and carry on.