Do These 5 Things If You’re Crushing On Someone Outside Your Relationship, According To A Therapist

Just because you’re in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you are totally cut off from developing feelings for someone else. Crushes happen, even when it’s not convenient. But they don’t have to be problematic! If you’re worried about what to do if you start crushing on someone outside your relationship, a TikTok therapist has some words of wisdom.

Check out the TikTok above for some seriously good advice. Popular TikTok therapist, @therapyjeff, has been dispensing relationship wisdom and gained a ton of followers because of it. With over a million followers and nearly 20 million likes, clearly he resonates with so many. Here’s what he says you should do if you start crushing on someone outside your relationship:

1. Nothing–Crushes are normal.

Don’t beat yourself up about it. Genuinely, these things happen. They don’t have to mean anything, you don’t have to do anything about them. Just acknowledge it within yourself and then let it go. You’re going to come across all sorts of people you crush on in your life and very few are going to mean anything in the long run. Don’t blow up your relationship just yet.

2. Enjoy the feeling.

Be honest with yourself: Having a crush is fun. And you can enjoy that feeling without ever doing anything about it. So for now, bask in the feeling a little–just not in a way that might alienate your partner.

3. Figure out what about your crush could be taken into your current relationship.

There might be something you’re getting out of this crush that you aren’t getting with your relationship. Maybe your crush is adventurous, which means you want more adventure from your partner. You might want more attention or attentiveness, or maybe you just want to be silly and take things less seriously. Your current relationship’s vibe and dynamic isn’t set in stone. If you want to tweak it for the better, that’s always an option.

4. Don’t panic.

This doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Having a crush on someone doesn’t mean you’re a cheater. It also doesn’t mean that there’s anything inherently wrong with your relationship. Take a deep breath before you blow up what you have out of guilt over a crush. And honestly, this might just mean that you should do something new in your current relationship to keep things fresh and novel.

5. Ask yourself what it means about you.

What is this crush providing for you as a person, independent of your relationship? While a crush can say what you’re missing from your partner, it can also say what you’re missing within yourself. An example @therapyjeff gives is having a crush on an authority figure. Perhaps that means that you need more parental approval and that it doesn’t actually have much to do with lust. This is a good opportunity to look inward and find what might be missing.