Finding Beauty In The Wake Of Sorrow

So here you are, once again down on your knees begging God or fate or whatever you believe in to give you the answers to the questions your life provides. You have yet to realize that some questions are unanswerable, that it takes a lifetime to hold them in the way you were always meant to. You are well acquainted with sorrow, grief, despair—all synonyms for a feeling you can’t quite describe. You know it is impossible for rock to not be worn down by running water, but you think yourself the exception to the rule. You are the one and only element that can brave the darkest night and come out unscathed and unchanged. You, of course, are quite wrong.

In some ways, that vague sense that pain is your birthright isn’t wrong. What you don’t realize is that it also means you were gifted with a capacity for the deepest joy and the greatest beauty. There are several moments in your life in which you felt an all-encompassing feeling. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, but not in the usual way; instead, it was extraordinary. You were awestruck—you felt like you were on the edge of understanding existence itself. You realize every valley has its peak. For humans, the deeper the trench, the higher the heights.

So, in your worst moments, you are a disappearing act. You lock yourself away from the world, from the present, from everything that wants what is best for you. You avoid mirrors and restaurants and reminders of your breathing. But at your best, you bypass the parameters of consciousness. You are love and light and beauty and everything good. You are the brightest star in the night sky.

The only real question that remains is this: Is a lifetime of grief worth moments of extraordinary beauty? You could trade your mode of being for something different, a softer and easier creature. You could surrender yourself to mediocrity, to the norm, and finally dissolve that feeling of being an alien on planet earth. But, if you do, there is no going back. You were gifted the ability to taste raw, unbridled humanity. Will you trade it for a life with no pain?