Getting An Abortion Was One Of The Hardest Things I’ve Ever Done (But I Don’t Regret It)

I had an abortion. I am one of countless people who faced the difficult decision of either terminating a pregnancy or giving birth to an unwanted child. I never thought I would be posting this for the world to read, but after the recent Supreme Court decision, it feels even more important for those around me to see exactly whom this decision is affecting. Without easy access to a safe abortion, I would not be the woman I am today, nor would I have had the privilege of positively impacting the lives of others.

First, adoption wasn’t an option. I have many concerns with anti-choice rhetoric because a lot of it romanticizes adoption. The reality is, the foster care system in America is broken, especially for Black children who are overrepresented and stay longer in foster care than any other ethnicity. Loving homes are not clamoring to adopt Black children. I also grew up watching my own mother abuse the system by exploiting it for money and further traumatizing numerous vulnerable children in order to feed her own insatiable narcissism. If she and so many others could so easily do this, why would I risk it just in case my child could be the exception and not the rule? 

Keeping the child was also not an option. Neither parent was in a position to give a child a better life than we had. I would be doing more harm than good raising a child I really didn’t want when I wasn’t emotionally or financially ready. I know what it’s like to grow up burdened with trauma passed down from my parents, and I even attempted to take my own life as a result of it. I long battled undiagnosed anxiety and depression, and I was sure to descend into that suicidal headspace again if I was forced to give birth. My “maternal instinct kicking in” wouldn’t magically make my depression disappear. It would likely worsen as it does for many mothers. 

I should mention that intentionally omitted from this story are any identifying details about my partner. When I decided to have an abortion, he stepped up in so many ways and was 100% supportive of my decision. He also acknowledged the many negative effects having a child would have on both of our lives. My only regret from my abortion experience is how selfish I was during it. He had recently gone through a tragedy of his own, and soon after we were placed in this life-changing position. In the midst of my whirlwind of emotions, I failed to acknowledge his. While, yes, it is my body and ultimately my choice, I did not take the time to check in with him and how he may be processing this choice. I do hope that he can accept my very delayed apology and know that that is why I am choosing not to name him nor the time of my life in which this occurred. This is my story to tell, but this is also his, and he should have the agency to decide if, when, and how to tell it. 

Either way, I am eternally grateful to him and his family for loving me through this in ways that my own parents wouldn’t have. Please know that you have forever made a positive impact on my life. 

The experience was as pleasant as it could have been, considering it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I didn’t have to walk through a throng of protestors. My incredibly supportive partner came with me and stayed by my side. The medical team was immensely kind and considerate. They even assigned me a nurse whose only job was to hold my hand and talk to me during the procedure. Coincidentally, she was also a Michigan Wolverine. Go Blue. 

I have heard so many stories from people who had to overcome so many obstacles to find the care they needed. I am privileged in that I was met with very few and accessing healthcare of this quality was fairly easy for me. I often think of those who only have one clinic or very few in their state. I couldn’t imagine needing to take time away from school and work or crossing state lines in order to access the care I needed. 

I want to be clear when I say that I do not regret my abortion nor have I ever. Having been raised in the church, I remember feeling guilty about the relief I felt for quite some time. I also took on the weight of the stigma of abortion and felt like I was somehow a tarnished woman in the eyes of society. Even still, there has never been a single day when I thought I made the wrong choice. As time passes, I am more affirmed in my decision to terminate my pregnancy. I have been recently promoted at my job and I’m taking on more opportunities to help marginalized students through the college application process. I’ve been selected to present at regional and national conferences on this very topic. I have been a support to family and friends through so many difficult times. 

I think of all I was able to accomplish in my life, the places I’ve traveled, the lives I’ve touched, the emotional healing I’ve done, as well as all of the things I have yet to accomplish. There is so much good I hope to do for the world, and I can confidently say the abortion actively contributed to my ability to achieve. Could I have still done these things with a child? I would like to hope that I could have found the strength to do so. However, it would have been that much more difficult than it already was to get to be where I am today. 

The pro-life movement only values the life that has yet to be born. They do not value the life that is bringing it into the world nor the life of the child once it exits the womb. My life would have been severely damaged without that abortion and that child would have had to bear the weight of it. There are no winners when people are forced to give birth. 

I believe an integral part of the pro-choice movement is lessening the stigma around abortion that shamed me into silence. I understand why everyone wants to reach for the rape and incest examples, however, that’s problematic on it’s own accord. It’s suggesting that abortion should only be considered once a person is violated. It is perfectly fine to have had an abortion simply because you did not want to give birth. Full stop. You also don’t need to live every day in constant regret. You can be perfectly happy with your choice. My hope is that by telling my story, someone else will feel more confident in telling theirs and we can put more human faces to those who have chosen abortions and have been made better because of it. It’s not some random girl in a square state. It is me.