Here’s How I Use Depression As A Catalyst For Motivation

For someone who battles with depression myself, there’s a couple of things I’ve learned and observed over the last couple of years. Depression is temporary, although it can feel like it will last forever. But that’s just because we’re all very emotional beings who love to sulk. I am guilty of this myself. But after I am done sulking and loathing in those pitiful feelings, something extraordinary happens. A door opens and motivation makes its grand entrance.

You see, the emotion of depression comes in waves and waves always come crashing down when they find land. And we have the choice to either ride that wave all the way into the shore or just simply let it move through us. When we choose to ride it, we’re guaranteed to come crashing down at some point. However, when we choose to let it move past us, we give ourselves the opportunity to find another wave we can ride. We all have oceans of emotions deep inside of us, filled with different waves of emotions. It’s up to us which ones we choose to ride.

It’s important you understand this because there is no special pill that will permanently delete depression. Sure, there is medicine to numb it temporarily, but it will never cure you or rid you of it forever. The best way to cope with depression is to change your perception of it. Look at it as a catalyst for motivation. In my own personal experience (and I’ve been in some really deep pits of depression), the best way to cope with it is to remind yourself, “Even though I feel horrible right now, I know this won’t last forever. I just got hit with a shitty wave so I’m just going to let it pass. And when it does, I’m going to be ready for what’s on the other side of that wave.” You’re either going into a storm or coming out of one. That’s the treacherous yet beautiful way of life. It’s up to you how you choose to look at it.

I’ll give you an example: When I was 25 years old, the summer of 2018, I met one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever laid my eyes on. She had long black hair that fell below her shoulders and a smile that could stop time and mesmerize you for an eternity. Seriously, she was that fucking pretty to me. And the more time we spent together and the more I got to know her, the more I fell for her. Her personality made her glow even brighter. However, I was an ambitious young man who wanted to pursue his dream of becoming a screenwriter and actor one day. That was my passion. Hell, it still is. Not only did I feel like it was my passion, but I also felt that it was my purpose. The reason why I was born. And I couldn’t for the life of me give that up for someone I had only known for four months. But women are so powerful. The effect they can have on a man is truly a mystery. That’s one thing we can never truly understand.

Anyway, after I told her my dreams and ambitions, she decided it would be best if we just stayed friends. We both developed feelings for each other, and she didn’t want to continue to build on that if it just wasn’t going to go anywhere. Which made perfect sense. She also told me that she didn’t want to make me give up my dream for a girl. The text she sent me said: You don’t want to give up your dream for a girl, Taylor. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

She told me she wanted to just be friends. But deep down, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Not because of her, but because of me. I was already so attached and wanted to build our relationship, so when she hit me with this, it was unexpected, even though I kind of sensed it. I told her that I couldn’t be friends with her since I had developed such powerful feelings towards her. I also told her that if I saw her with another guy, it would just make me jealous and break my heart. And I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’ in her life. So, I told her, “Let’s just cut it off completely,” which killed me to do, but I knew myself well enough to know that that’s just the way I am. I am very emotional. All Pisces are—it’s just the way it is.

She wasn’t happy about that at all. She couldn’t understand why I would want to do that. So, she never spoke to me again. Let’s just say it didn’t end on good terms. When a girl unfollows you on Instagram, that’s when you know that she is fucking done. There is no need to reach out to her after that.

After that happened, you guessed it, I got hit hard with a wave of depression. And I rode that motherfucker for as long as I could. I felt horrible. A couple of weeks went by, and something happened… I finally realized that I couldn’t stay like this forever. A thought came over me, and that thought was that this gorgeous girl that I fell for did me a solid favor. And that solid favor was this: She reminded me that if I have a dream and I want to pursue it I can’t be so quick to give it up, even for a woman. I reflected on this thought and realized how much I had been procrastinating from pursuing that dream even before I met her. And that was the catalyst I needed to put me on the next wave: MOTIVATION.

It was as if someone had covered me with a warm blanket and said, “Warm up and get off your ass! Remember that you’re here for a reason.” So, I warmed back up and got to work. Before that year ended, I booked my first acting gig. And two more after that. And then, seven months later, I moved to Atlanta, GA to pursue my dream even further. If it wasn’t for a heartbreak and a wave of depression, I wouldn’t be where I’m at right now.

Now, I want to remind you that even back then when this happened, if someone would’ve told me that depression is not only a catalyst for motivation and change, but also necessary for every human being to feel, I would’ve told them that they were crazy. But as the years go on, I am certain that depression isn’t an illness or a negative thing, even though it can feel that way sometimes—it’s actually an opportunity to better yourself. And when that opportunity comes knocking on your door, don’t run from it. Face it. Look at it dead in its eyes. Notice it. And let it move through you. Let it pass and then get back to work. Change your perception and watch how your life changes in the most beautiful way.

Fixate your attention on your own reflection and watch what happens to the world inside the mirror.