How Each Birth Month Handles Divorce

Updated 1 month ago, September 16 2026
Zodiac, Birth Months

It’s been said that going through a divorce can be more stressful than receiving a terminal diagnosis. When love goes wrong, it’s a tremendous shock to one’s emotions. It can make a person question everything—about themselves, their exes, and the very meaning of life.

When you have to part ways and embark on new and separate lives, not only is it emotionally wrenching—it’s also a tremendous pain in purely practical terms. You have to pack up your belongings and move out. You have to re-route mail and sign up for new utilities. You have to decide which mutual friends each one of you gets to “keep.” You have to entirely uproot your life.

Worst of all, you are forced to admit that you spent years, or even decades, of your life making a mistake. That’s the hardest part.

Not everyone deals with divorce the same way. Here’s how each birth month handles it.

April

You BINGE. The loss of your loved one has left a giant hole in your life, so you glom onto any cheap pleasure you can find to fill that dark, howling canyon that’s been ripped in the middle of your heart. Dating sites. Food. Drinks. Sex. Binge-eating. Binge-drinking. Binge-sleeping. Binge-hooking up. Quick, dirty, meaningless, and depressing dates. Getting “over” someone by getting “under” someone else. Yet despite it all, you wind up feeling emptier than ever.

May

You RECONNECT. You surround yourself with friends and family members and talk their ears off about what happened. You reunite with all the friends who drifted away, all those friends who were repulsed by your public displays of affection and how you carved a little world for yourself away from them. You resume talking to all the family members who warned you that your ex was bad news, and you tell them that you were wrong and they were right. You even reconnect with the occasional ex—and when I say “reconnect,” I mean in the “biblical” way.

June

You WONDER. How did a love story turn into a horror movie? How did your closest friend become your worst enemy? How did something that felt so alive wind up dead? What went wrong? Who is to blame? What the hell was that, anyway? Was it all a lie? You felt so close to them, and now you’re strangers again, just two ships that passed in the night. Why did they wait until you were married to take off the mask? Why did they wait until they had you imprisoned in marriage before they stopped trying to be charming and sexy? It all seemed so precious, and now it seems so cheap. It all felt so divine, and now it feels so profane.

July

You CRY. You can’t see in front of you because of all the tears. You sob so hard, you can HEAR the tears landing on the floor. You feel like you’re going to cry until the water runs dry. You wonder if it’s possible to cry hard enough to kill you. You wonder if it’s possible to cry so much that you wind up entombed in a pillar of salt. But one day the tears will stop…right? You’re just getting it out of your system…right?

August

You feel RELIEF. You feel lighter. Finally, some clarity. It feels like sinuses clearing up when you’re getting over a cold, or how the skies clear up after a solid week of rainstorms. You feel like you can breathe again. Like you’re waking up from a nightmare. Like finally getting a “cancer-free” diagnosis after 10 years of chemo. That ring around your finger started to feel as heavy as a tombstone. It just feels like starting over: Fresh, clean, and not bogged down by baggage. You feel like a butterfly set free from a cold wooden box.

September

You HATE your ex. And I don’t mean just as a result of the breakup or the things they said and did to you—you practice hating them because it’s the only way you can salvage your self-esteem, the only way you can get over them. They never understood you at all, did they? You build a bonfire of all your pictures, souvenirs, all the clothes they left behind. You want them to do poorly in life. You want them to age quickly and put on 100 pounds. You want them to lose all their money and friends. You masturbate at the thought of them in pain.

October

You BLAME YOURSELF. You knew they weren’t good for you, and you kick yourself for not listening to your instincts. This is what you get for playing with fire and thinking you couldn’t get burned. So you wander around the house at night with a flashlight desperately searching for the confidence you lost. But what if you’re being too hard on yourself? What if the real reason things fell apart is because your deepest fear turned out to be true—you are unlovable, and sooner or later, everyone realizes it? Nah, it’s easier to blame yourself for not being honest about how bad they were for you. It gives you more control.

November

You go through a radical MAKEOVER. Different hair, clothes, etc. You remodel your entire living space. You take up a completely new hobby. Stamp-collecting. Bird-watching. Radical veganism. You embark on some sort of lifestyle change that is so whiplash-inducing, it takes your mind off the catastrophe that just happened. It’s like you go undercover into the Romantic Witness Protection Program.

December

You PURGE. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you’re dying. But you feel like your romance keeps flashing before your eyes as your heart is breaking. So you try to purge your memory, desperately trying to avoid ever remembering the good times. Places you’ve gone together. Songs that were “yours.” You can’t watch any of the movies you watched together. All the stupid little things that remind you of them. Manically removing every trace of their existence on your social media. Thinking about all the holidays you’ll miss with them. You keep wishing you never met them, even as you can’t stop thinking about them.

January

You grow JADED. You wind up bitter about the very idea of love. If love fades, was it ever really love? If that wasn’t true love, what the hell was it? Could love ever be worth all this pain? You start mocking the whole notion of love and anyone foolish enough to fall for it, all while realizing that you were one of those fools. Maybe it was just a crush, it was never love, and getting married was a giant mistake. You doubt that you’ll ever be able to trust anyone again. But just like an alcoholic swearing off booze, you vow that you will never fall in love again.

February

March

You get DEPRESSED. It took divorce for you to realize that depression is real. Your love flickered for a brief time, but now the cold winds of reality have blown the candle out. The loneliness eats at you like buzzards pecking at a carcass. You fear the nightfall. You want to sleep until you never wake up, but instead you lie awake every night wondering if the sun will actually rise again. This must be what dying feels like. A breakup shouldn’t feel like it broke every bone in your body.

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