How The Teen Show ‘The A List’ Reminded Me Who I Am

This article contains spoilers from the TV show ‘The A List’

I watched a teen TV show a while back called The A List and it really stuck by me. A teen summer camp turns into a cruel fest of forgotten memories when the teens realize that they have been here before—that they know each other. The villain, Amber, has powers that are dangerous. She can make you forget. She can make you feel pain, cold, and dark. She can make you stop being you. And that’s exactly what she did. She turned everyone into her puppets by erasing their memories and making them forget who they were. She hypnotized them, using their own insecurities against them and promising to take the pain away if they gave her their most prized possession, and thus let go of who they are.

But as the episodes pass, we see each character slowly remember. Kayleigh is the first one. Ah, Kayleigh, my favorite. You know this kind of girl. Maybe you are her. The girl with the sunshine smile and cheery personality. The girl who follows people around everywhere and agrees with everything they say. The girl who loves to be loved. The one with secret insecurities that she’s not interesting enough or smart enough to be a leader. She would blindly follow Amber, not because she was under a spell, but because by giving Amber her most prized possession, she lost a big part of herself.

One day, after her head hits the branch of a tree and Amber’s powers are weak, she starts to remember. She remembers who she was before Amber told her who to be. She remembers how they had been on this Island before. She remembers the sunsets, bonfires, laughs, kisses. She remembers her boyfriend. She remembers her best friend Mia. She remembers her wit. She remembers her humor. She remembers everything.

And she cries.

She cries for the person she is now. She cries for the person she used to be. She lets it out. It’s painful.

Imagine waking up to find out you’re a ghost. A shadow of who you used to be.

I know you’ve gone through tough times that have made you change parts of yourself to survive. When you look in the mirror, you don’t recognize yourself anymore. You can feel yourself growing more and more distant from who you really are. You don’t enjoy the things you used to. You just want to hide under your blanket and disappear, or you want to dance all night just to make yourself stop thinking. To stop those swirling thoughts and tugging emotions. You think you’re going a little crazy. Like you can’t control anything.

You’re here but you’re not really here. You’re somewhere far away. You wonder where exactly you are. You’re just… gone.

But I just want to ask you one thing:“Has the real you been lost and forgotten, or only sleeping, waiting to remember?”

Give it a thought. Because you know what?

Sometimes what we think is dead and gone is only lost for a while. We just need to find it. We just need to remember. You may think you’ve forgotten how to smile, laugh, have fun, really live. But it’s in you. It is.

You know how I know that? Because you wouldn’t miss it if you didn’t know what it felt like.

You still remember every curl of your lip that you made before finally breaking into a smile. You still remember that stranger tripping on your run that made you giggle one day. You still remember the feel of the cold water hit your body as you stupidly decided to jump into the ocean one day. You felt so alive. Close your eyes and realize you remember these moments. They’re not forgotten. If you ask me, nothing’s really ever forgotten. Sometimes it just takes the right push to bring it all back.

All of us get a little lost sometimes. And that’s okay. Just don’t lose hope. Spend time with yourself. You may have changed, but you’re still capable of feeling alive again. Learn your new favorite song. Maybe it’s “happier” by Olivia Rodrigo now because that song makes you want to dance at 2 a.m. and you imagine yourself in a ballroom in a gorgeous purple dress. Learn your new favorite quote. Learn your new favorite stupid desire—maybe instead of jumping into the cold ocean, it’s howling at the top of your lungs at the full moon.

It’s in you. You just have to find the new changed you. Because you’re every bit capable of laughter, love, and warm smiles as you used to be. You have the same heart, just in a different form. Many people forget that. And maybe that’s what you need to remember. Instead of trying to remember the old you, try to remember that you’re still you. No matter what others do, they can’t take this away from you. Ever.

So, the next time you look in the mirror and can’t recognize yourself, look closely and say, “Hey you. I know you’re in there.”